Web of Relationship.... Entanglement or Love

Are You in a Web of Relationship called entanglement or Love

It's amazing that suddenly my inner psychologist has come back.... recently one of my junior got sought my advice regarding her entanglement which is now creating chaos in her life as she is not able to come out of web........I as time honoured practice of being a psychologist gave her a patient hearing... And later we delved upon the issue... But this led me to think about Web of  entanglement in relationship... 

Meeting someone n still not sure what's the relationship.... It happens n as we grow it happens more... Is it a relationship growing or just N entanglement.... 

Are you in a relationship, or are you in web of entanglement?

A relationship is one where both people are in harmony. And that's exactly what it feels like: in tune, relaxed, and just plain fun.

I feel some or other time we all get web of  entanglements masquerading as real relationships....

It's signatures are 

You keep having the same issues

When you find yourself having the same old argument with your partner for the umpteenth time, that's a pretty good sign you're likely in an entanglement. 

You don't feel safe or understood

Entanglements feel like you have to shut down a part of yourself. If you're feeling like your partner just doesn't get you, and that you're not free to say exactly what's on your mind, you know you're not in a real relationship.

Someone always needs to be right

It is characterized by power struggles. Both people are vying for the title of victim, thus making the other the perpetrator. Nobody ever wins.

It's just so hard

If you're feeling drained with your partner, you're likely caught up in an entanglement. 

Is it normal to be entangled...i feel yes....It's completely normal. 

Most people have been in an entanglement, and a lot of them have been in many.

We all come to relationships with unresolved issues from our past, and we naturally look to our partners to make us feel good about ourselves. And so it's always a surprise when we finally think we've found love, only to experience pain and frustration.

What can be done

Identify that you're in an web of entanglement

Knowing whether you're in a pattern of entanglement is key to resolving it once and for all. Otherwise, there's a "blind spot" that keeps you from moving forward, and you're doomed to keep repeating the pain and struggle.

End the entanglement or transform it into a real relationship

Once you know you're dealing with an entanglement, you can harness all that energy you've been spending on conflict, and instead use it to come up with creative solutions. You can transform the entanglement into a real relationship, or you can end the entanglement with peace of mind, armed with the insight you need to create love and harmony in the future..... 

This is the free advice I gave to my friend... Hope to read your views also.....

CREEP RADAR : LOOKS DON'T MATTER

‍‍‍‍‍I used to think n others used to say my perception about people is invariably correct and I don't get prejudiced.....it helped me a lot in my profession...

But alas I have to confess I faltered sometimes back n got fooled  by a young boy of twenties...I asked for servicing of my aqua guard from service centre ...n after two days this boy came n told that my equipment is U/s so he can replace it but better I should get AMC for 8500 n 5500 ...for which I agreed for ...but then he called once n then stopped picking up phone ..calling to srevice centre as per AMC was in vain..n when I contacted Eureka Forbes I came to know no such servicing centre exist....

This led me to hating myself n getting fooled n paying money for it also ...fortunately with my experience n friends in correct place I have recovered every penny ..but this all because first time I faltered in reading a person 

so what is this...this led me back to my psychology days n this is what I understood....for our creep radar

meeting a person for first time n we all have opinions n judgement..based on so called our ‍ experience...or to say  when it comes to judging whether a person is trustworthy, the standard advice is to go with your gut. 

There's a good reason for that....generally we are impressively good at sniffing out some aspects of other people's character from small details in the way they walk, talk, and even smell. But there's at least one area where you shouldn't trust your gut instincts, that is we are  really bad at figuring out who's a creep.

It makes sense that people would have evolved good creep radar to keep them safe from malevolent actors. It would be handy to know if that guy across the street or lurking near the school playground has bad intentions. That's probably why most of us have been advised to trust our negative instincts about people. If the person comes off like a creep, avoid them, the standard advice goes.That's logical, but it's dead wrong ....

  

Creepy people were generally thought to be lanky wo/men with poor hygiene who behaves awkwardly...... On the other hand, attractive people are deemed to be trustworthy,  be the Olympic medalist or model......

This is an example of the 'halo effect,' a deeply rooted bias where we assume that people who are more attractive are generally more trustworthy, ambitious, healthier, etc...... 

It has a flip side — the 'devil effect' leads us to believe that people who are undesirable in one way are likely undesirable in other ways....

In short, our creep radar is essentially an ugly, ill-kempt human alarm, and chances are it's pretty unfair, causing us to misjudge those not blessed with even features and good muscle tone. That's true whether we are evaluating them as a potential conversation partner, a co- worker, or Ola driver...

The bottom line is our instincts about creeps aren't keeping us safe...

they're just making us more biased against people who don't look good.... 

Please chat with that person who has a neck tattoo...pink .coloured hair...  Hire the woman with deformity as maid.... and educate our kids not to stare at the person with a facial deformity....they should not be treated as creeps ....

ShAred MeMories

How thoughts affect our lives

‍How does thoughts are germinated ...from where they come when we r talking...is there some library or Google cloud of thoughts...

or we r receiver antenna who catches the frequency for which we tune ourselves .

are thoughts a form of energy  .....so it never ceases to exist....

.these were some  questions I have not got any conclusive proof till now....

but Imphal weather n serenity  has again rekindled these thoughts....

To make it simpler ...yes it's true that we gain knowledge through our studies ..n experiences..n observations...which helps us to make views n opinions about certain things...but ...people like me who talks non stop on all stupid topics from where these ideas keep on coming....

so I looked backed again to my psychology days ...n old books n new researches n tried to get some answers...

From where these thoughts come suddenly ...

from repository of thoughts travelling in space ....which means ...thoughts are omnipresent ..for centuries ..n they are  like energy which can't be destroyed but it only changes forms...

I feel for centuries thoughts are traveling ...n people having similar thoughts...or in present those who have shared memories...are able to connect to them by their decryptor in mind...n similarly when ever we think it gets encrypted...for some one to decipher it if s/he is having right codes for it....

Further based on requirement we translate sometimes into words...but most of time these thoughts kindles our emotions ....sudden thought of your old girl friend ...or a tough fight we have been ...n with thoughts our mind gives us emotional feelings as well as associated physiological rigours....so factually thoughts have power of real experiences...

This is my theory...but the practical aspect of it means that if we use this power of thought...we can connect with right people ..called as ESP extra sensory perception....I feel if we create shared memories...n then through thoughts try to relate with each other we can...it's more powerful then WhatsApp..or..video call as it has emotion attached to it....as in our lives shared memories ...n  thoughts are the only thing which makes us tick....

So let's create more shared memories....

IMPHAL DIARY..... ..STORY OF LIKING SOMEONE BY JUST CLICKING

Did you like my post

‍‍‍‍I know just by seeing my post ...most of you will click like button even without reading or commenting on it......

I have started writing blogs  to elicit responses n discussion on thoughts ...but time I post .....likes start coming...which seems without reading....

This post is postmortem of same ..n please don't like ..better read it...

‍‍One of the first things we all do ......in the morning is to check one's social feed. Depending on your poison of choice it could be Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp,Twitter, Tinder,  Snapchat or Linkedin. Whichever platform we’re on, one of the first check points is the ‘notification’ tab. ....

Has anyone liked something of my pictures..

Has anyone tagged me ....n so on....

It’s a habit we quickly get pulled into. It’s addictive. Have you ever stopped to wonder why it’s so addictive?

That little rush we get when your post gets more likes than normal? There is a reason for that rush. Dopamine.

 For every thumbs up or heart we get a little psychological high through a shot of dopamine. The more likes the more shots. The more shots we have, the more shots we want. And we’re in a loop. Scientists used to think dopamine was responsible for pleasure in the brain, but we now know that rather than create pleasure it makes us seek it.

People are more likely to engage with posts that have been endorsed/liked by a large amount of their peers — a follow the crowd mentality.

The amount of ‘likes’ we get generally depends on how many friends or followers we have and the mountain of social psychology that’s happening behind the scene. If you’re looking at the amount of ‘likes’ you get on a post as a sign of engagement, it’s worth knowing the reasons behind your ‘likes

Why do we want to be liked?

Facebook introduced their like button in February 2009 — nearly five years after launching. Ironically, Facebook’s founder Mark Zuckerberg didn’t ‘like it’. History indicates it took nearly two years for the ‘like’ button to get approval. How did we ever use Facebook without a like button? We all want to be liked right?

As social beings we like to talk about ourselves a lot. Either directly or indirectly. More studies indicate we talk about ourselvesnearly 40% of the time! When we start using our keyboard to talk this figure jumps to around 80%.

Why? Face to face communication is quick and occasionally awkward. We don’t have time to think of the words before they’re leaving our mouth. We speak from experience here. Talking online gives us time to think and words can be carefully selected to present yourself in the best possible light. The online space is something we can control.

We share our thoughts and interests primarily because we want to stay connected with the people we care about but also because we want to give others an idea of who we are. If our friends and followers like our posts we feel good. The more likes, the more dopamine, the better we feel.

“Likes are always an indicator of social standing....in mind of person who has posted

As someone who gets anxious and occasionally struggles with self-esteem, the amount of Likes on my posts can be both hugely uplifting or depressing.”

In putting a picture or comment on social media you’re opening yourself up to judgement. You’re making yourself vulnerable to the thoughts of others. If the post doesn’t elicit the reaction you’d hoped for it can hurt. As individuals  we’re seeking approval from our peers. When we get the approval everything is good..

. We feel good — we get a little dopamine hit. It’s why we keep going back for more.

And more....but what if  we don't get desired likes or in comparison lesser then our friends...then we start clicking likes blindly for everyone's posts ..with a thought that others also will do same...you scratch my back I will do same....

Is it scary.....let's be honest may be as an adult we may handle it but what about our kids...n presume some app brought dislike button ...what would happen to self esteem..

Pls understand like is factually a marketing tool by app developer...

by developing an understanding of how a customer wishes to be seen by their peers, brands can serve content designed to reinforce desirable perceptions and improve the likelihood of that customer engaging with such a post.... 

So friends you like..or not my post but please make you n your family aware about this concept of like...have more wonderful liking people around you....

IMPHAL DIARY...GODS N GODDESSES IN METRO JOURNEY

Gods n Goddesses in metro trains

‍‍‍Hey maa... Aaj I had darshan of devi maa in metro train... 

The devi with her only two hands was holding one bag in front other two 👜 in other hand ... 

N then she put mobile phone charger in socket n was talking with her divya ear n then she managed to take out her apple n was eating n phone was held between her ears n neck n from other.. Ohh maa water bottle came out

Whatever was happening in crowd devi kept using her weapon.... sorry meant mobile phone... 

I felt my life is complete today to see devi in human form....

Then I realized I find other sort of devi...devta ....rakshas....on metro..daily

 Just as a guide to identify them I will classify them for y

The mobile gyani

The most peaceful and harmless of the lot, they’re not bothered about anything that’s happening around them (not even their own kids!) the ganesha are found deeply engrossed in their  mobiles.... They can be seen in every corner and compartment of the metro. 

Devi selfie 🤳 queen

This type of devi is always decked up and in modern era called as selfie queens obsessing over themselves nonchalant of the hustle and bustle of the metro. The selfie formula is the same everywhere - take your positions, angle yourselves, insert pout and  click........

away from as far as the handallows....

So, instead of making faces at them.... Feel that you r dhanya as you r able to see their pout faces on metro itself.. 

Mohini..The gig

These devis giggle....laugh and chatter in high-pitched tones and riding the metro with them is like listening to FM channel radio mirchi...

Don't ask them to shut up as they will put you in a soup ... Just adore them

Couple Kaamdev n rati...lovers

This type of devi n devta can be seen entwined in each other all over the metro! They sometimes are so into each other, they don’t seem to notice how awkward it gets for others around them. If you spot one of these.... Either remember your time or close your eyes

Kumbhakarna..sleepers

Nobody wants to wake up (and confront) the sleeping giant; even if they are the types who are just pretending to sleep in the space reserved for the old or the physically challenged. These characters can be seen in a Metro on any route - if found just avoid them... 

Manthra... the adjuster

‘Thoda adjust karlo please’....

welcome the Manthra in metro

They squeeze in the tiniest of space they see and eventually leave your rear hanging in mid-air. They will sweet talk you into giving up your seat!

Indra dev..the musical 

These type of men or women are noisy and are often seen screeching into their phones, ‘can’t hear you

They can't  lower their volume, as these people think it’s cool n perfectly right to talk like this...

They make us part of their personal taste of music also as their favourite bhajan of Honey Singh tunes loudly and proudly .... 

Narada...the spy

These type of devi n devta love to spy or snoop around.... by peeping into their phones and just can’t mind their own business! Sit or stand at a distance from such people as they often turn into present era stalkers.... 

The Eternal watchman...always

S/he is...one who always occupies position near gate....no matter he/she has to board down at the terminating station...

The tired yodha

They’ll sit anywhere, anyhow, anytime. Where ever they can find a spot, they’ll put their bags and perch themselves there.. 

Shikhandi..man in ladies compartment

It’s a human tendency that when you’re told not to do something or go somewhere, you always want to do just that and so is the case with these shikhandi who always try their luck to get into the ladies compartment.

IMPHAL DIARIES...POOR MEMORIES ARE GOOD FOR HAPPY LIVING

Have you ever felt that you know the person but can't remember her/him..or we r not able to recollect an episode of life ...while our friends recall about it as it happened yesterday ....or people meet n say hi to you but you r not able to even place them in your life...

Generally people around us takes a very positive view of memories and the act of remembering: we esteem the study of history, we are expected to take photos to capture precious moments; we think that old injustices should be made good in the present; we promise not to forget old acquaintances ...when we r leaving school ...colleges..etc

But without denying the value of any of this,  we  need to do something else: 

                   ..... FORGET.......

Certain memories threaten to destroy the very existence of an individual – although it's bit extreme but certain memories r bad for present or future living...

If we held onto everything that had ever happened to us in all the multicolour vividness of the original event, we’d be overburdened with anxiety and sadness, we’d be continuously terrified and consumed with regret: we’d be driven to despair by all the meanness we’d encountered, all the stupidity we’d been guilty of and all the beauty and goodness we had lost. To have a poor memory belongs is related  to survival.

think if

animals would have memories then it would be killing all around......

We should remember only in so far as it actually helps us to live in the present. To the extent that memories assist us in forming our plans and avoiding error, they are valuable, but when memories function as obstacles to better lives, we should put our energies into the business of forgetting.

The best way to forget is not just time, but – more exactly – events. So as to separate ourselves from the things that haunt us, we have to ensure that we can lay down a dense layer of events between us and they; we need – in short – to make stuff happen.

This is particularly true after a bad breakup, when certain places, times of day and activities remain tightly linked to the past and constantly evoke it painfully:

– Whenever we see the old tea ad

..some building etc we are carried back to memories of cosy days n evenings spent there together.

– Riding our vehicles down the open roads triggers thoughts of energising trips we made there on balmy days.

We’re surrounded by emotional tripwires. Our heart breaks again and again.

We cannot, as we might at points want, get rid of the world in which the relationship once played itself out. We can’t burn the cushions or uproot the restaurant. To forget, we have to impose a new layer of experience on the things we associate with lost love. We should take a new group of friends to the restaurant, sit at side of the road  or get fresh acquaintances to hang out with us on the sofa. We have to reclaim the material of our life from the person who broke our heart.

With a new commitment to forgetting, we should recover some of the hope of the child and the fortitude of an animal.....

HOPE NOT TO FORGET THE MEMORIES IN THESE PHOTOS ...MISS U EVER....