𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙶𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙰 𝚃𝙾𝙾𝙻 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚁𝚈

IMPHAL DIARIES

𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙶𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙰 𝚃𝙾𝙾𝙻 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙸𝙴𝚂

Have you ever felt that you know the person but can't remember her/him..or we r not able to recollect an episode of life ...while our friends recall about it as it happened yesterday ....or people meet n say hi to you but you r not able to even place them in your life...

Generally people around us takes a very positive view of memories and the act of remembering: we esteem the study of history, we are expected to take photos to capture precious moments; we think that old injustices should be made good in the present; we promise not to forget old acquaintances ...when we r leaving school ...colleges..etc

But without denying the value of any of this,  we  need to do something else: forget. 

Certain memories threaten to destroy the very existence of an individual – although it's bit extreme but certain memories r bad for present or future living...

If we held onto everything that had ever happened to us in all the multicolour vividness of the original event, we’d be overburdened with anxiety and sadness, we’d be continuously terrified and consumed with regret: we’d be driven to despair by all the meanness we’d encountered, all the stupidity we’d been guilty of and all the beauty and goodness we had lost. 

𝙏𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙥𝙤𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨

We should remember only in so far as it actually helps us to live in the present. To the extent that memories assist us in forming our plans and avoiding error, they are valuable, but when memories function as obstacles to better lives, we should put our energies into the business of forgetting.

The best way to forget is not just time, but – more exactly – events. So as to separate ourselves from the things that haunt us, we have to ensure that we can lay down a dense layer of events between us and they; we need – in short – to make stuff happen.

This is particularly true after a  breakup, when certain places, times of day and activities remain tightly linked to the past and constantly evoke it painfully:

– Whenever we see the old tea add 

..some building etc we are carried back to memories of cosy days n evenings spent there together.

– Riding our bike down the open roads triggers thoughts of energising trips we made there on balmy days.

– The cushions on the sofa jab us with pain by reminding us of the way they’d use them when reading at night.

We’re surrounded by emotional tripwires. Our heart breaks again and again.

We cannot, as we might at points want, get rid of the world in which the relationship once played itself out. We can’t burn the cushions or uproot the restaurant. To forget, we have to impose a new layer of experience on the things we associate with lost love. We should take a new group of friends to the restaurant, sit at side of the road  or get fresh acquaintances to hang out with us on the sofa. We have to reclaim the material of our life from our experiences. 

With a new commitment to forgetting, we should recover some of the hope of the child and the fortitude of an animal.....hope not to forget the memories seen in these photos...

𝐕𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏.....𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐘'𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏

Has Virtual Relationship  Transcended the Boundary of Real Rêlå†ïðñ§hïþ

Ä ßɎGÖñÈ ÈRÄ

𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬 💐 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞𝚜 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 .. .to finding out the difference between best 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 👭👬 𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬..... 

..to selecting cards at Archie's shop... 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 I like you ..to love you....n finally the first 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜....

....these are some of shared memories of a teenager🔞🧒....still we all cherish 𝕚𝕥 𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕚𝕗 doesn't matter to us anymore as adults..... 

𝕍𝕀ℝ𝕋𝕌𝔸𝕃 ℝ𝔼𝕃𝔸𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ𝕊ℍ𝕀ℙ... 𝔸 ℕ𝔼𝕎 𝔼ℝ𝔸

So does having virtual relationship stops or enhance creating shared memories

You like someone but don't have time so one continues relationship via virtual world....🅸🆂 🅸🆃 🆁🅴🅰🅻

We 🅰🅻🅻 nowaday whatsapp—a lot....even wishing birthday n anniversary are through text n smileys ... is it able to convey the emotion ...

 Many  people...are now experiencing their “romantic” relationship on their phones. 

People begin texting each other intimately and voraciously often before they are even friends, texting things to each other that they would never (ever) say in person. Having a real life relationship with your friend is no longer a prerequisite for having a virtual relationship with him/her. ....

Being part of a couple nowadays also doesn’t mean that you do anything in the world together, like go for ice cream or see a movie as it used to be understood earlier... The secrecy n trust of relationship is maintaneable  far better then real relationship... 

On their own, texting relationships might not seem like a big deal, but the challenges that they create is indeed a big deal. Virtual relationships is taking over real relationships (with new set of skills for wooing and maintaining relationship).  The intimacy of the texting relationship may not be real intimacy, but still it gives a sense of equivalent gratification if not more.  

The virtual romance happens at a pace and rhythm and with a hipness and ease that real life romance can't have..... 

Adult relationships are also getting caught in the chasm between virtual and actual reality. After a first or second interaction, it is common for people to begin texting with a frequency, casualness, and intimacy that is at higher level of the relationship; they share their thoughts, feelings, and everyday experiences as if communicating with a best friend or maybe more accurately, a part of themselves. They share their lives, as well, without the discomfort or effort that a phone call or in person exchange might require. 

This   intimacy  leads to the possibility of the relationship blossoming into something more real as the connection gets real....but here  is a catch ......it can get waylaid in a kind of texting purgatory: a fast-paced, uber cool and pseudo-sexy... 

𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙶𝚄𝙰𝙶𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙽𝙴𝚆 𝚁𝙴𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙿

It’s also not just romantic relationships that are being transformed but even in friendships, even those that are long-term, texting allows for a creative, exciting and newfound conversational dance, a verve that is often not possible in the face to face familiarity.  So too, texting feels easier and less stressful than real life relating; the conversation pauses or ends when we want it to and can happen in bite size, manageable chunks, with no awkward silences.  Texting relationships feel in our control while real relationships often are not in control.....................................................

𝐖𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐁𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐖𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝕍𝕀ℝ𝕋𝕌𝔸𝕃 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 ℝ𝔼𝕃𝔸𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ𝕊ℍ𝕀ℙ

One can’t be as fabulous in person as his/her text messages...and our friends can’t be as fabulous either, which means that the whole real life relating experience can become a kind of mixed emotion.... but at least new connections are bring made

I wonder, will the gap between our virtual and real life relationships grow so wide that we will opt to give up real life relationships altogether. Will there come a time when we no longer even pretend to want or need face to face interaction?  With the help of  technology, will future generations consider romance and courtship to be activities that happen entirely inside their devices?   

Virtual relationships may feel sexier, easier, cooler,  more pleasurable. ....but it also help in creating the shared memories.like real relationship minus physical intimacy... 

Although some may argue that it remains as textual memory kept in some cloud of WhatsApp or Google..

In conclusion, it is still  better then nothing and a substitute of real relationship as you can connect to people for longer period in some real time .... 

VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIP

Every chime of the pop up messsge,
he sees her affection
through emojis turning

 into real emotions

His  heart beats so fast
to the ringtone of his high-tech gizmo
That every keypad pressed
are thousand sweet words expressed

The distance won't keep them apart,
signals will bridge their undying love
because, as long as we have these  electronic gadgets

The love will always REMAIN IN AIR

𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗜𝗠𝗔𝗚𝗘 𝗩𝗜𝗦 𝗔 𝗩𝗜𝗦 𝗖𝗢𝗚𝗡𝗜𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦

Vidula my wife 👰 keeps on saying nowadays that she is putting on weight although she is perfectly physically fit or to say much fitter then earlier .This thought led me to recollect my psychology days about cognitive distortions and how it makes our self Image. I have seen what ever we start thinking about ourselves we actually start becoming. 

So this leads to the concept 𝚘𝚏 

𝚁𝚎𝚗𝚞𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐..

These are negative thought patterns that keep on coming again and again in our minds.... It  represent an ongoing attempt to come up with insight or solutions to problems we are concerned about. These unhelpful filters make whatever life circumstances we find ourselves in that much more anxiety-provoking and challenging.

What are unhelpful cognitive distortions?

The main cognitive distortions are as follows (and some of them overlap):

• Black-and-white (or all-or-nothing) Thinking I never have anything interesting to say.
• Jumping to conclusions (or mind-reading)The doctor is going to tell me I have cancer.
• Personalization Our team lost because of me.
• Should-ing and must-ing (using language that is self-critical that puts a lot of pressure on you): I should be losing weight.
• Mental filter (focusing on the negative, such as the one aspect of a health change which you didn’t do well): I am terrible at getting enough sleep.
• Overgeneralization: I’ll never find a partner.
• Magnification and minimization (magnifying the negative, minimizing the positive): It was just one healthy meal.
• Fortune-telling: My cholesterol is going to be sky-high.
• Comparison (comparing just one part of your performance or situation to another’s, which you don’t really know, so that it makes you appear in a negative light): All of my coworkers are happier than me.
• Catastrophizing (combination of fortune-telling and all-or-nothing thinking; blowing things out of proportion): This spot on my skin is probably skin cancer; I’ll be dead soon.
• Labeling: I’m just not a healthy person.
• Disqualifying the positive: I answered that well, but it was a lucky guess. 
• 

  
  
  
  

𝙀𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡  𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜

Many of us engage in emotional reasoning, a process in which our negative feelings about ourselves inform our thoughts, as if they were factually based,; in the absence of any facts to support these unpleasant feelings.

 In other words, your emotions and feelings about a situation become your actual view of the situation, regardless of any information to the contrary. Emotional reasoning often employs many of the other cognitive filters to sustain it, such as catastrophizing and disqualifying the positive. Examples of this may be thinking:

• I look fat even though you are perfectly fit 

• I’m an awful student, even if you are getting some good grades
• My partner is cheating on me, even if there is no evidence for this (jealousy is defining your reality)
• Nobody likes me, even if you have friends (loneliness informs your thinking).

• How do you challenge and change cognitive distortion

•  I’ve learned to remind myself that whatever comes up, I’ll deal with it as well as I can. I try to trust my future self to cope, in an effective way, with whatever life will throw my way. 

  As an example, if you are driving on a highway some or other vehicle will go ahead of your vehicle, they are just cutting off a random car, not you, because they have no idea who you are. So there’s no reason to take it personally. To personalize situations like this just makes you upset. If you don’t take it personally, it changes it from "idiot cut me off" to "people should drive more safely."

• As they say in the new movie  Dune, "fear is the mind-killer." Being anxious or afraid certainly makes me less effective, no matter what I’m trying to accomplish.

COPINES & COPAINS OF MINE....MERCI To YOU FOREVER

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

This quote was once shared with me by a friend
“People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When one figures out which one it is, one will know what to do for each person….”.

One does not meet people by accident – they come into our life for a reason.

Yes, even the irritating ones.

If a relationship doesn’t survive the test of time, it doesn’t mean it still wasn’t meant to be.

Not all encounters with people are supposed to last forever. 

Sometimes the “forever” is not the person – but what we gain from them.

There’s a harmony and purpose for each person you meet....

Friendships and relationships, even workplace colleagues nearly always come to an end — as is the natural circle of life. The nature of life is constant change. And change can be a real bitch to say the very least. It can be totally devastating.
One can rest assured on this fact that it is almost certain — one poof and something happens (e.g redundancy, break up, death, car accident) and everything changes...

Comfort is only in putting something through a different lens to view in a different way.

When someone is in our life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need one expressed. They have come to assist us through a difficulty; to provide us with guidance and support..
They seem like a godsend, and they are. Then, without any wrongdoing on our part…they r gone....

When some people come into our life for a SEASON, it is probably our turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring us an experience of peace or make us laugh. They may teach us something one has never done.  Believe it. It is real.
But this is only for a short period of time....

LIFETIME relationships remains,
One has to build a solid emotional foundation. One's job is to accept the person , love & trust the person,
and put one has learned to use in all other relationships and areas of our life....

TYPES which I put my RELATIONSHIPS

FLYOVER

These people are not meant to last for the long road ahead. They are an enjoyable pathway to get us to where we need to go.

These people are needed to arrive exactly at the time and place you met them – to transport us to the next level of our life journey.

One meet these people for a reason – even if they are only here for a season.

JAM....MERS

These people come into your life to delay us – for both little things and big things.

For example,
one might have a conversation with someone – which then delays  and prevents you from getting into accident.

Sometimes rejection is a redirection to something better....
Well, that’s what these people do. They might show up as a rejector – but they are a redirector.

GURU

Often our tormentors double duty as as mentors.

They are here to teach us important life lessons – via the process of pain – which helps us to grow ...

Some people are just straight-up inspiring teachers – who teach us life lessons in a more loving manner.

Devdoot

These people are here to protect us and remind us to stay safe and stay self loving.

They are “guardian angels” of some sort.

Their purpose: Make sure that one does not stray too far from the path one is meant to be on.

In times of need and desperation they help us – when others are not there for

CLAN

These are the ones who are here to stay the long haul.

These people are far and few between – but they are the ones who are loyally there for you during tough times and celebratory times.

They see one clearly and accept one as he/she with flaws

Clan members support  when one is invisible to others.

Clan members root for one with a pure heart – when others might feel competitive or jealous.

Anamika

They represent and symbolize something one desires...
They r dreams... They come... Let us fulfill a dream N vanish
As if they were never there