Imphal Diaries: Excuse-moi, tu as l'heure ? le flirt!!

Excuse me, do you have the time? or interest

One generally thinks that indulging in some harmless flirting could only get one, the attention of that other person, think again......

Flirting does more than just this, it is also a powerful tool which can help people feel good about themselves and moreover, generates lot of positive energy....

Nowadays social media is new medium of flirting.....

People flirt by messaging  for many reasons: fun, relaxation, escape, connection, affection. A flirty text conversation should aim to be warm, funny, and a little thrilling. Asking creative questions, referencing inside jokes or memories, cracking a few jokes, and sending a selfie can help fuel the banter. Reaching out on social media, such as through a message or reaction on Instagram, Facebook  can also lay the foundation for an exchange...

The process allows a person to signal interest in small increments, and enables both parties to gauge the interest level of the other.It is driven by emotions and instinct rather than by logical thought. Yet profound information is transmitted in flirting...

The hallmarks of flirting are surprisingly universal. Women often smile, arch their eyebrows and widen their eyes, tuck their chin down and turn slightly to the side, toss their hair, put their hands near their mouth, and laugh. Men, for their part, often arch their back, stretch their chest, and laugh as well. 

It helps to....

Makes one feel good:  It can make one feel good and also, reduce stress levels. And God knows how much we need those instant stress-busters in today’s fast-paced and ultra-competitive world. 

Helps build confidence and self-esteem: Nothing works better when you’re trying to make a good impression on someone than the aura of self-confidence. People who are sure of themselves somehow just manage to say and do the right things at the right time, and we all know the ‘charming’ benefits of this. Also, being in a relationship for a long time can sometimes make one partner take the other for granted, thus lowering the self-esteem of the other person. A little harmless flirting can go a long way to make you feel attractive and confident about yourself again. 

Makes you feel Charming: Flirting with a person of the opposite gender and getting a favourable response in return can indeed up your hotness quotient by at least a couple of notches. It is a known fact that flirting helps build positive energy. ...

जो रंग बदलना जानते है,

 जिंदगी उन्हीं की रंगीन है।😁

ARE WE RATIONAL..PEOPLE.....OR COGNITIVE BIASES MAKES US ..NOT

We all like to think we’re rational people making rational decisions....Is this TRUE....

Not true for me at least....

This time when I was on leave at delhi...ordered food online...from KFC...

Once I opened it ..a torn white sheet came fall out...on which it was written

 "sir, im sending you two small french fries ..as a good will gesture...request if you may give me good rating on app"

As sugeested I took the bribe n gave good 😚😚 ratings...

Although as a psycholgy student, I can say that whatever we as human beings have learnt,we make  understanding of it  n observe.it .. N then makes our opinions which  are over the mental  dashboard of ours. Based on same we all carefully weigh the pros and cons of for any issue and make our own  decisions, arriving neatly at a logical choice.

IS IT Right? Wrong?

The truth is, that our mind is incredibly complex, contextual, and emotional. For example, dozens and dozens of cognitive biases influence every decision we make....I know its a difficult term ...to make it simpler one can say that it is type of error in thinking that occurs when people allow their judgments to be influenced by their own personal preferences, emotions, or beliefs. 

We all suffer from multiple cognitive biases, often simultaneously.

In fact, the thought that you are less affected by cognitive biases than other people is a cognitive bias. It’s called the bias blind spot, a tricky little bias that makes it easier for you to detect biases in others (versus yourself).

Because the more you understand the inner workings of your mind, the better one can understand self  and will be able to  interact better with  others. By being aware of the cognitive biases in our mind and the minds of others, one can tap into a source of profound understanding......

 

Availability heuristic

The tendency to overestimate the likelihood of events with greater “availability” in memory, which can be influenced by how recent the memories are or how unusual or emotionally charged they may be.

The availability bias is a mental shortcut that relies on recent memory. If something can be recalled quickly, it must be important or, at least, more important than things that are not easily recalled.

According to this cognitive bias, we use recent information to make decisions, making new opinions biased toward the latest news.

For example, after hearing about a string of burglaries on the news, one might be extra cautious about locking the doors at night.

How it applies in real life: 

It Must Be True If It’s on the Internet!...

That also on first 10 search on google ...without realizing the economics of how search engines work 

Backfire effect

Definition: The reaction to disconfirming evidence by strengthening one's previous beliefs.

This is also known as confirmation bias. Essentially, when people are provided with cold, hard evidence against their beliefs, they often reject the evidence and believe even more strongly in their original position.

In addition, we have the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms our preexisting beliefs.

How it applies in Real Life: 

Anyone who has had a heated debate about politics or religion in india for example, might recognize this cognitive bias.

People believe what they believe and it’s very difficult to unseat those beliefs....they can argue ad finem

Barnum effect

Definition: The observation that individuals will give high accuracy ratings to descriptions of their personality that supposedly are tailored specifically for them, but are in fact vague and general enough to apply to a wide range of people.

How it applies in Real  life : All cult head ..know this technique well ...n using generalization make connect with individual..

This explains how horoscopes, fortune telling, and generic personality tests can seem so accurate.

Benjamin Franklin effect

Definition: A person who has performed a favor for someone is more likely to do another favor for that person than they would be if they had received a favor from that person.

Wait, what? The proposed reason for this psychological phenomenon is that you performed the favor because you like the person.

This is actually the cognitive bias that explains long-held grudges and rivalries because the opposite is true as well: you come to hate those you do wrong.

The writer and inventor Benjamin Franklin quoted an “old maxim” in his autobiography, which is how the bias became named after him: “He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

How it applies in Real life: 

When potential customers are asked  small favor, perhaps to like you on Facebook....rate them and give them good ratings... In matter of time and all lkrlihood They will be more likely to buy/go from same place...

 Decoy effect

Definition: Preferences for either option A or B change in favor of option A or B when option C is presented, which is similar to option B but in no way better.

In other words, option C is completely inferior to A, but on par with B (inferior in some ways, superior in some ways). When C is present, it makes A more attractive than if the options were merely A and B.

For example, let’s say you’re buying a new Phone. Option A is 50K for 30 gigabytes and option B is 40K for 20 gigabytes. Some of you reading this will prefer A, some B. It just depends on how you feel about price and storage.

But now company has released another option, option C. At 55K, it’s more expensive than both A and B, but has slightly less storage (25 gigabytes versus 30 gigabytes) than A.

No one is going to choose C, but it causes A to be chosen more often than if only A and B were present.

How it applies in Real life: All big companies specially tech companies use as a decoy to increase purchases of the bundle they want people to buy...

Post-purchase rationalization

The tendency to persuade oneself through rational argument that a purchase was good value.

This is also known as choice-supportive bias.

We want to make the right choice so much that we tend to retroactively assign positive attributes to an option we’ve selected.

For example, if you choose option A over option B, you are likely to downplay the faults of option A and highlight the faults of option B. You are likely to highlight the advantages of option A and downplay the advantages of option B as well.

How it applies im Real  Life: 

 Halo effect

Definition: The tendency for a person’s positive or negative traits to “spill over” from one personality area to another in others’ perceptions of them.

If a trusted brand releases a new product line, you will automatically assume the new product is great, regardless of whether it truly is...

How it applies in Real life: For example, you might buy an Apple Watch, despite a disinterest in watches, because of positive experiences with your iPhone and MacBook.

You might also be familiar with this concept applied to physical appearance. It’s the same reason we tend to consider people we see as physically attractive to be smart, charming, selfless, etc

How to reduce cognitive bias

There are a few key things that one can do to prevent cognitive bias:

 Be aware of your own biases. We all have them, and they can distort our thinking. By being aware of one's own biases, one can take steps to avoid them. 

Try to get information from multiple sources. When one is  considering a decision, get input from people who have different perspectives from yourself. 

Consider multiple explanations for past events. Don’t just assume that your first explanation is correct when something happens. Consider other possibilities. 

Be willing to change your mind. If new evidence comes to light that contradicts your existing beliefs, be open to changing your mind.

 Be aware of groupthink. People in a group may start to conform to the group’s beliefs, even if those beliefs are inaccurate. Be aware of this phenomenon and make an effort to think for yourself. 

The psychology of Attraction: Why do we like someone ?

Most of us have felt it.

You go about your day and life, unsuspecting, and then it hits you. All it takes is a look, a smile, a smell. And you’re toasted! It’s the most amazing thing. 

I asked my friends n best viewpoint I liked is:

"I normally like someone or want to be around ( in the first place) when I feel positive vibes around the person, . Question is how would I know?"

                                                    Demi

 

Long back I met this girl  posted to my place....n boom I'm  gone......n still hanginng out with her

What is it that made us click .....is it some neuro transmitter which matched the frequency and then brains get flooded in chemicals that keep pulling us closer to that person.

According to neurologists who have researched it, the brain of someone who gets fatal attraction looks a lot like a brain of a heroin addict! Some signs  which can help are

1. Your stomach flutters

Those matchmaker chemicals are busy again, this time releasing adrenaline into your veins so that when it is released, you get all the ‘feels.’  And if the chemistry is making its reaction as  first sight trick on you, you can expect powerful butterflies.

2. It feels as though you’ve met them before

3. Nerves kick in when you are around them

looking at this person makexpect

 stutter or feel your nerves prickling sign 

4. You are confused by your reaction

You are drawn to this person, and you just don’t know why because they are far from your ‘norm,’ but you are so attracted to then

5. You are compelled to talk to them

 You have an   unstoppable desire  to go and speak to them, despite being a  wreck. 

6. You can’t get them out of your mind

7. You smile thinking about them

8. You feel your heart facing

9. You get a sudden urge to see/ meet them

10. You find them extremely attractively

There r various reasons but these five...aspects have root into abovementioned aspects

Proximity: How near you are to someone and how often you see them

Similarity: how like you they are, for example, do you share similar interests or valued

Reciprocity: we’re more likely to like people who like us

Physical Attractiveness: are they pleasing to look at as per your parameters

Familiarity: we like people who seem comfortable to us

This seems familiar

Most of these factors have in the past been attributed with how we’ve evolved as humans. We are attracted to those who seem familiar to us, as familiarity provides predictability and safety.

So for example, if someone in your family or group of friends that you grew up with was really funny, and you enjoy their company, you might be likely to be more attracted to funny people when you grow up, because it’s something that you’re used to.

These factors can also be linked. Like proximity and familiarity: if you see someone every day, you’re likely going to get used to their company over time, until it gets to a point where you’re very comfortable with them and it would feel strange not having them around.

Don’t stand so close to me

Proximity has always been, and to some extent still is, considered the most important part of why we’re attracted to someone, or even why we’re friends with someone.

If you look at people who use Facebook for example you still find the people they would claim to be their best friends tend to be in close proximity to them. 

Dating apps have gone some way to change this however. Where in the past you might have been limited to the people in your immediate circle or community to pick a date from, now you have hundreds upon thousands of more options.

Technology has “changed the way that we interact with people and the number of people that we can potentially be attracted to”, as now we can swipe through hundreds of potential friends every few minutes.

Whatever said still whatever age you are once in a while these butterflies in your stomach makes you feel alive. ..so IT'S  STILL FUN TO LIVE 

 

No restriction of age

not the bond of lives
when someone loves

 should see only the soul
by carving new trend

 Make the trend immortal

MORALOMETER....IT IS EASY TO JUDGE OTHERS...DIFFICULT IS TO RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN MISTAKES

We are very good lawyers for our own mistakes, 

and very good judges for the mistakes of others

How bad s/he is

See s/he is having extra marital affair

We all have this moralometer...moral compass which we are always using it on other people...

We are always using it on public figures specially politicians. ..govt. Servants...newsmakers.. colleague...n..neighbours

 but when it had to look within most of times it gives confused readings......

Imagine, if you can have an accurate moralometer—an inexpensive device you could point at someone to get an accurate reading of their overall moral goodness or badness. Point it at a criminal and see it plunge down into the deep red of evil. Point it at your favorite friend and see it rise up to the bright green of near perfection. Would this be a good thing or a bad thing to have?

But here comes the dichotomy ...although there is no.such machine but we all tend to have it....

 

Do morally good people make better business leaders, or better school teachers, or better spouses, or better civil engineers? Simply look for correlations between moralometer outputs and performance measures. Voila.

Imagine, too, the practical uses!

 Take a moralometer reading beforehand, to ensure you aren't marrying a wrong person... Before taking those wedding vows... bring out the moralometer. Actually, you might as well use it on the first date.

But... Wow what a dichotomy ....although it doesn't  exist....everybody is using it against others except on Self.......

Coming After a beautiful social evening....

Firat thing we do is to judge the host of party....... 

We all just know, cheaply and easily, who are the saints, who are the devils, and where everyone else is situated throughout the middle except ourselves. 

THATS  WHY I THINK

Maybe JUDGING moral character is nobody's business.

If moral character is mostly about how you generally treat people in the world around you, well, that seems like that very much is other people's business. 

If moral character is about how you would hypothetically act in various situations, a case could be made that even those hypotheticals are other people's business: The HR department, the future spouse, etc., might reasonably want to know whether you are, in general, the type of person who would, when the opportunity arises, lie and cheat, exploit others, shirk, take unfair advantage.

Maybe the issue is fairness? If accurate moralometers were prevalent, maybe people low on the moral scale would have trouble finding jobs and romantic partners. Maybe they'd be awarded harsher sentences for committing the same crimes as others of more middling moral status. Maybe they'd be shamed at parties, on social media, in public gatherings—forced to confess their wrongs, made to promise penance and improvement?

But unfortunately  in real life moral character are  found to be poorly correlated with, or even inversely correlated with, business success, or success in movies, or creative talent. 

So in public life  low to middling mortality is not being a stigma—maybe even in some circles a badge of honor. Maybe it's the prudish, the self-righteous, the precious, the smug, the sanctimonious who value morality so much. Most of us might rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

Your judgments about another person say more about your own character than the character of the person you are pointing a finger at.

This is the key and one of the most fundamental insights about the ‘red flags’ that we often dismiss regarding the people in our lives. If someone complains a lot to you about other people, guess what? That is part of their current character. And, as quickly as the tide changes, you can just as easily become the person they target and criticize, point fingers at, and negatively judge. Forever and always, until vibrations are raised, this will be the cycle of the relationship. So, it’s your choice to continue to engage in the cycle with them, or to move on.

When they judge you, yawn.
When they misunderstand you, smile.
When they underestimate you, laugh.
When they condemn you, ignore.
When they envy you, rejoice.
When they oppose you, prevail.

SMILE....A STRATEGY TO COPE WITH SARCASM AND INSULTS....

In one month I will be completing  two years on my assignment. ..and have faced ample critique to my work as in this place MAYANG...means a person who is outsider is never accepted....
Had listened to slangs...comments...conspiracies..

But then I remembered  when I was in college we used to call any student from NE India as ...chinki....

Later as I grew up I realized I wss totally wrong and when I got posted to NE ...I realized more so as we all are unique whether khasi. .or ..meitei..or ..naga..bihari...punjabi..and finally we are INDIANS first and always....

Therefore  I kept on doing my work without prejudice, so I never got upset on people who were criticizing me....as I knew that its only resistance to change which my staff is afraid...not hatred ..n I can say know looking back that my strategy to cope with smile has worked. ..we are able to improve ourselves and our work place together

My behaviour is based on a story I learnt in my school

Once upon a time, Buddha was passing through a village. A young man came up to him and began insulting him. 

He shouted at him and said, “You have no right teaching others. You are fake and fraud and nothing else. You are as stupid as everyone else.”

Surprisingly, Buddha was not at all upset by these insults. Instead, he asks the young man, “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone and that person refuses to take it. Then to whom does that gift belong?” 

The young man was shocked and surprised by the strange question. He replied, “I bought the gift, so if the other person refuses to take it, then it belongs to me.”

Buddha smiled and nodded his head and said, “That is correct. The gift belongs to you”. Further, he added that it is exactly the case with his anger.

He said, “You are constantly insulting me. But I refuse to take it. So just as in the case of the gift, your anger falls back on you. You are the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done throughout is hurt yourself. 

What I Learnt

If you are one of those who feel bad or depressed when someone insults you then just ignore them.

This is the most effective way of handling and dealing with insults. At first, it may sound very difficult that if somebody is constantly cursing you in your face then how can you ignore them.

But by practice and patience, you can achieve that state when insult does not make an iota of difference in your mind, body, thoughts, and life.

You will be happy always no matter what people say about you.

And if you are one of those who is just like the young man, who insult and curse others, then stop doing that no matter how angry you are with them. Because by cursing them, you are cursing yourself.

So better learn to smile