IMPHAL DIARIES...POOR MEMORIES ARE GOOD FOR HAPPY LIVING

Have you ever felt that you know the person but can't remember her/him..or we r not able to recollect an episode of life ...while our friends recall about it as it happened yesterday ....or people meet n say hi to you but you r not able to even place them in your life...

Generally people around us takes a very positive view of memories and the act of remembering: we esteem the study of history, we are expected to take photos to capture precious moments; we think that old injustices should be made good in the present; we promise not to forget old acquaintances ...when we r leaving school ...colleges..etc

But without denying the value of any of this,  we  need to do something else: 

                   ..... FORGET.......

Certain memories threaten to destroy the very existence of an individual – although it's bit extreme but certain memories r bad for present or future living...

If we held onto everything that had ever happened to us in all the multicolour vividness of the original event, we’d be overburdened with anxiety and sadness, we’d be continuously terrified and consumed with regret: we’d be driven to despair by all the meanness we’d encountered, all the stupidity we’d been guilty of and all the beauty and goodness we had lost. To have a poor memory belongs is related  to survival.

think if

animals would have memories then it would be killing all around......

We should remember only in so far as it actually helps us to live in the present. To the extent that memories assist us in forming our plans and avoiding error, they are valuable, but when memories function as obstacles to better lives, we should put our energies into the business of forgetting.

The best way to forget is not just time, but – more exactly – events. So as to separate ourselves from the things that haunt us, we have to ensure that we can lay down a dense layer of events between us and they; we need – in short – to make stuff happen.

This is particularly true after a bad breakup, when certain places, times of day and activities remain tightly linked to the past and constantly evoke it painfully:

– Whenever we see the old tea ad

..some building etc we are carried back to memories of cosy days n evenings spent there together.

– Riding our vehicles down the open roads triggers thoughts of energising trips we made there on balmy days.

We’re surrounded by emotional tripwires. Our heart breaks again and again.

We cannot, as we might at points want, get rid of the world in which the relationship once played itself out. We can’t burn the cushions or uproot the restaurant. To forget, we have to impose a new layer of experience on the things we associate with lost love. We should take a new group of friends to the restaurant, sit at side of the road  or get fresh acquaintances to hang out with us on the sofa. We have to reclaim the material of our life from the person who broke our heart.

With a new commitment to forgetting, we should recover some of the hope of the child and the fortitude of an animal.....

HOPE NOT TO FORGET THE MEMORIES IN THESE PHOTOS ...MISS U EVER....

IS VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIP...BETTER THAN REAL ONE

How far we have come from 

Having different meanings of roses ...

.to selecting cards at Archie's shop...

to finding out the difference between best friend...I like you ..to love you..

..n finally the first kiss...these are the shared memories we all cherish as we keep on growing

So does having virtual relationship stoppped or enhanced creating shared memories

 Nowadays we all  text—text... selfies...even wishing birthday n anniversary are through text n smileys ...does it is able to convey the emotion ...

. Many young people are now experiencing their first “romantic” relationship on their phones. Teenage couples begin texting each other intimately and voraciously often before they are even friends, texting things to each other that they would never (ever) say in person. Having a real life relationship with your friend is no longer a prerequisite for having a virtual relationship with him. ....or does people have time to spend...

Nowadays, when a person says s/he is “liking” someone, it generally means that s/he has someone with whom s/he texts around the clock.  It doesn’t however, mean that s/he talks to that person more (or at all) in real life.   Being part of a couple also doesn’t mean that you do anything in the world together, like go for ice cream or see a movie.

On their own, texting relationships might not seem like a big deal, but the challenges that they create is indeed a big deal. Virtual relationships stunt real relationships (and the skills they require).  The pseudo intimacy of the texting relationship preempts real intimacy, which then creates a divide that is difficult to cross.  The virtual romance happens at a pace and rhythm and with a hipness and ease that has little to do with real life romance or, for that matter, the emotional maturity of people... 

Adult relationships are also getting caught in the chasm between virtual and actual reality. After a first or second date, it is common for would-be couples to begin texting with a frequency, casualness, and intimacy that is at higher level of the relationship; they share their thoughts, feelings, and everyday experiences as if communicating with a best friend or maybe more accurately, a part of themselves. 

They share their lives, as well, without the discomfort or effort that a phone call or in person exchange might require. This  immediate intimacy then impedes the possibility of the relationship blossoming into something more real as the connection gets waylaid in a kind of texting purgatory: a fast-paced cool, pseudo-sexy.... relationship.

  Texting relationships feel in our control while real relationships often don't; we can be who we want in text relationships but not always in real ones.  

One can’t be as fabulous in person as in text.  And our friends can’t be as fabulous either, which means that the whole real life relating experience can become a kind of disappointment—ultimately lacking what the texting relationship can offer.  Once again, the real can’t compete with the virtual. 

I wonder, will the gap between our virtual and real life relationships grow so wide that we will opt to give up real life relationships altogether. Will there come a time when we no longer even pretend to want or need face to face interaction?  With the help of robotic technology, will future generations consider romance and courtship to be activities that happen entirely inside their devices?   

Virtual relationships may feel sexier, easier, cooler, and, in the short term, more pleasurable. ....but does it help in creating the shared memories...or it remains as textual memory kept in some cloud of WhatsApp or Google...whatever it is still it is better then nothing as you can connect to people for longer period in some real time ..

IMPHAL DIARIES...ARE YOU WHAT YOU WEAR

The world of fashion is often baffling to ordinary people like me.... And specially a trend comes along which seems utterly ridiculous, yet catches on. Take the current obsession with ripped jeans.

You can barely be in any city  without being assailed by bare knees, calves and thighs — all protruding through swatches of tattered denim.

why is everyone wearing ripped jeans?

WHERE DID IT ALL START?

The first pair of jeans were designed in the late 1870s by Loeb Strauss, a German businessman who changed his name to Levi and founded the denim brand.

Using twilled cotton cloth, he created a durable trouser that would suit the working man. Indigo — a dye extracted from an Indian plant — was used to turn them a dark blue, which was thought to be more practical for the working environment.

The ‘ripped’ trend came later, emerging in the cultural punk movement of the Seventies.

The rips signified rebellion: early punks tore apart consumer goods as an expression of their anger towards society, and denim became a key part of this political statement.

... SO WHY ARE THEY BACK NOW?

ripped jeans made a comeback — rebranded as ‘distressed’ denim......

This coincided with an Eighties fashion revival, marked by the return of jumpsuits, high-waisted trousers....but is this only about this or it has underlying social psychology behind it

ENCLOTHED COGNITION

Does clothes affect cognitive processes...it seems thatwhat we wear is symbolic meaning ...so when one wears it, it’s like playing certain roles.

The old saying “you are what you wear” seems so true nowadays when I interact with people from all walks of lifein almost all aspects of life....

WE BECOME WHAT WE WE WEAR

A suit gives you a feeling of being in control of the situation and thus have better insights and make better work-related decisions. So, wearing a suit isn’t just a matter of fashion but a matter of power.

A similar thing happened when in my house I saw my sister's son wearing  Superman T-shirts...it seems to me he feels that he is actually physically stronger then his friends ....It’s a matter of symbolism Superman T-shirt carries – people identify with its superiority and can’t help themselves but feel great while wearing it.

Tight corsets, and sheer gowns will make a woman feel confident and that’s where the sex appeal comes from, not the other way around. Femininity, confidence and sex appeal are closely intertwined and it all comes from the power pretty dresses brings into your life

MOTIVATION TO WORK OUT

Given the fact that we really are what we wear, it’s no surprise that the so-called gym clothing is such a huge thing in fashion right now.  Infact I feel  gym clothes makes one  motivated  to work out....

DRESSING FOR THE AGE YOU FEEL LIKE

It’s true that the line between “old people’s clothes” and “young people’s clothes” is getting blurrier by the year but there’s still a lot of debate what’s appropriate for a certain age and what’s not..... It’s basically like dressing young to feel young but also so much more than that.

An image you have of yourself can affect both one's personality and health without one even noticing it. That’s where clothes come to the rescue – so, dress for the age you feel like and you’ll surely feel the difference.

DRESS TO IMPRESS

We all try not to judge by the first impression but the power of the first contact can’t be neglected. And because it’s usually the most noticeable thing on a person, clothing can influence all kinds of impressions people will have about you. First of all, the clothes one wears show off one's social status and one's cultural values and it all starts in the early childhood. 

From “pink is for girls, blue is for boys” to choosing the colours you’ll wear depending on the event (for example, black is for funerals, white is not welcomed at the weddings), it’s clear that the clothes we wear not only define us but we also use them to define ourselves.

The only thing that differentiates the  concept of fashion and style is first is embedded in time while second is timeless .. the choice lays with the you..

..

Yes, clothing helps in sending and deliver a message but it’s up to individual to choose what kind of message one wants to send. As we all know.... dressing up is a powerful thing and, as it is with every weapon – it should be used carefully so it doesn’t turn against you. So, one should use his/ her wardrobe smartly – to express oneself, boost one's personality...to show the world who we really are. It can really make a difference!

IMPHAL DIARIES : OPPOSITE ATTRACTS IN RELATIONSHIP

‍‍‍‍‍‍ It's a predominant notion  that people of similar class and religious backgrounds do tend to have more successful marriages and relationships.
It is always better to have similarities in your personal history and to have interests in common.
When a person feels a strong liking to someone, they make up stories in their mind about what is causing the attraction. Often the story is about physical attractiveness or shared interests.

There is another dynamic that is less easy to identify, that is going on in an unconscious way, more like magnetic attraction complementing the deeper force at work....

There is a deep intuitive knowing that brings us to partners who are in many ways quite different than we are. Some deep, wise knowing part of us senses the strengths that the desired individual has, that lie dormant in ourselves, and we want those strengths. 

The Drive for Wholeness

It is the inner drive for mastery that recognizes, with great excitement, the possibility for growth if we were to partner with them. Here are some examples of attraction.

One partner: 

is more adventurous and the other is more interested in comfort, predictability, and security. 

is conflict-avoidant, while the other is more at ease with debate and expression of strong feelings.

is introverted, and knows the importance of solitude, silence, inner looking, and being alone without being lonely, while the extravert knows the importance of expressing their inner life, socializing, and the tremendous importance of connection. 

tends to live in their feelings and intuition and the other is strong in analytical thinking. 

is more contemplative and the other is action-oriented.

is artistically inclined and the other is practical. 

plans for the future and the other is spontaneous and lives in the present moment. 

prizes relationships and the other is achievement-oriented. 

is passive and the other is assertive, or even aggressive.

is dedicated to spiritual practice and the other is worldly.

These are only a few examples of the ways in which partners complement each other. If the differences are too great, they can become a source of pain. But when awareness of the differences is held as an opportunity to grow, they are seen with a positive orientation. There is excitement about engaging in the discovery and the potential that can be developed over time. 

Since no matter how well-matched we are in the background, there are inevitably going to be differences, we might as well use them to our advantage. We can either deny the differences, try to make our partner more like us (which won’t work either), or use the differences as a growth opportunity.

In a dynamic, evolving relationship, these are the traits that may be lying dormant that are stimulated by our partner so that we can become more of who we can be.

UNMASKING OUR UNCONSCIOUS....DEEP DESIRES

To find them and allow them to come out into the light is called “shadow work.” If there are traits in ourselves that we have disowned for fear that they could harm us in some way, we will be intolerant of those very traits in others. Our reactivity points directly at the shadow work awaiting us. Our work is to face those parts of ourselves and to befriend them. 

This procss of discovery is exciting and stimulating. Even those couples who have been together for many years keep finding more hidden aspects of themselves emerging. The process is filled with the fascination of the discovery of aspects of the self and aspects of others, a process that keeps love fresh and alive and that’s about as good as it gets.