GAMES PEOPLE PLAY ....PSYCHOLOGICAL MANIPULATION S....IN OUR DAY TO DAY LIVES

Only yesterday Vidula my wife...who is an ex officer...n doing lot of social work .....got a call from an  agent of FedEx courier company who told that she had sent some items to US which has been confiscated by Indian customs wherein  5 passports ..500 grams of gold. 300...gram of drug has been caught..credit cards ..etc

Further a call from cyber police of mumbai called her up ..n gave details of her aadhar number ..pan card no...which further ..made her realise that some fraud has happened...

Meanwhile I came back home n saw her noting seriously n talking to alleged officer......her facial features were showing her tension ..n she gestured me to look at her notes ..

Once I saw I realised it's a FRAUD ..n she is being psychologically manipulated ...I asked her to disconnect the call ...

Although I tried to reàson her out ...about the  fraud .....her mind was not ready to believe it...till I showed her similar cases by searching in Google...

That is the time I realized if such highly educated n smart people can be manipulated on phone calls then people who r in our lives are how dangerous. In our lives these PSYCHOLOGICAL MANIPULATORS are there ...in garb of family...friends.. colleagues...bosses..etc..Therefore it is very important that we all should be able to weed them out of our lives ...at earliest 

There r bosses who manipulate...their staff...n get their way...but making them feel miserable always

It's true that a manipulative person is hard to recognise and more so ...the manipulated person is not ready to believe that s/he is being manipulated 

Therefore I just thought let me try  to write about these manipulative people in our lives...n how to handle them ....as per my humble experience...

Manipulation in Relationship

 It can sometimes be so subtle and effective, you may wind up questioning your perception of the situation, rather than the other person’s actions or motives. 

But by learning what to look for, one may be able to protect yourself from manipulation tactics and psychological games before they start....or leave before it becomes Gaslighting ....

Manipulation tactics

Guilt-tripping

Guilt-tripping is when someone tries to make you feel responsible or guilty of your actions or decisions.

Some examples of guilt-tripping might be:

• If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten through college. You owe me.
• I’m the one who is working all the time, while you are spending time with friends. I deserve this expense.
• If you can’t come over, then I might as well not invite anyone else that night. There’s no point then.

Lying

People with manipulative tendencies often lie to try to control or coerce others, as well as avoid blame or consequences for their actions.

For example, a teenager who’s been told they are not allowed to hang out with a particular group might lie about their whereabouts. Or, they may lie to the other parent about being given permission to go out with their friends.

Flattery

It can be hard to tell the difference between a compliment and flattery.

A compliment is given to sincerely point out something positive with no expectation of gain. But flattery is often used disingenuously as a tool to gain emotional leverage. With flattery, there’s often an expectation of getting something in return.

For instance, someone who wants a   promotion might regularly praise their boss’s strengths and accomplishments.

Projection

It  happens when one person claims an emotion they’re feeling — such as jealousy — is actually being experienced by someone else.

For example, in my  school there is a teacher  with manipulative tendencies who invariably cause tension and drama, but blame one good teacher  for creating that energy...n unfortunately she is always victimized...

Therefore it’s also really important that we don’t project our own values onto a manipulator, because that just sets us up for a lot of disappointment and frustration...

Moving the goalposts

Sometimes, no matter how much you show up for someone who manipulates, they will change their expectations at the last minute to keep you constantly running toward their “goalposts.”

Someone who moves the goalposts can set you up for frustration and exhaustion.

Believing in yourself, recognizing your own needs, and disengaging can be helpful for avoiding feelings of demoralization.

“Remind yourself that you’re just a human being, doing the best you can, and that is enough.”

Triangulation

Triangulation takes many forms, but often happens when a third person is brought into your communication, instead of keeping the issue between the two people it impacts.

For example, a manipulative staff invariably wil involve another staff in a disagreement to take their side against you.

Now, all of a sudden, you’re disagreeing with two people and the odds are not in your favor..

Becoming aware of triangulation can be helpful for spotting it. Try to disengage with “triangles” whenever they come up unfairly.

The 4 stages of manipulation

While manipulative tendencies are often subtle and sometimes undetectable, there are four stages of manipulation.

1. Flattery. The first stage is when the person who manipulates puts on a facade of being kind, caring, and helpful. They may act like they want to help you with anything you need, but in reality, they’re just trying to get what they want from you.
2. Isolation. This is when the person who manipulates may start to isolate you from your friends and family. They might try to convince you that your loved ones don’t understand you or want to control you. The goal is usually to separate you from people who might spot the manipulation..
3. Devaluing and gaslighting. During the third stage, someone who manipulates may try to make you feel guilty or confused...
4.  They might start telling you that you’re ungrateful, or that you’re making them unhappy. The purpose of this stage is to make you doubt yourself, your instincts, and your decisions. It can be very difficult to break free from the manipulator’s control at this stage..
5. Fear or violence. The fourth and final stage is when the person who manipulates may begin to threaten you.  They may threaten to leave you, hurt you, or humilate you...or hurt themselves as a way of keeping you under their control with fear. It can be very difficult to break free from someone who is using threats as a form of manipulation.

Why do people manipulate others?

People manipulate others for many reasons, including:

• Control. People who manipulate might be driven by a need for control or controlling tendencies, which may feel thrilling.
• Low self-esteem. Manipulation can be a way for a person to avoid feeling bad about themselves.  “People manipulate largely due to lack of self-confidence or low self esteem..They may not feel that they have the ability to get what they want on their own merits.
• Ego. A common reason among narcissistic  people someone who manipulates may believe that they are the brightest and most capable person around, and might use manipulation to feed their ego that they can outsmart others and gain from their efforts.
• Personal gain. A manipulative person might use these tactics to obtain something they want, such as money, power, or attention.
• Avoidance. Manipulation might offer a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.

How to avoid manipulation

Manipulation can be sneaky, but you can work to avoid it with these strategies:

1. Know the signs. People who manipulate often exhibit similar types of behaviors. Watch out for people who are overly friendly, make empty promises, or try to make you feel guilty..
2. Be aware of your emotions. Evoking strong emotions is at the core of most manipulation methods. “People who use manipulation often play on your emotions, but remember that you can’t let them control how you feel..
3. Stay calm. It can be important to stay in control of yourself and not lose your cool when dealing with people who manipulate. “Don’t let them rattle you or get under your skin..
4. Avoid personalizing. Even though manipulation can be hurtful, try to internalize that this behavior has nothing to do with you. “Manipulation has more to do with the other person and their inability to meet their own needs in a healthy way....
5. Listen. While it doesn’t feel good for someone to attempt to manipulate you, being confrontational can inflame the situation. Try listening with empathy so that you can identify what their needs or wants are.
6. Respect your boundaries. After listening to the other person and feeling that you are being manipulated, it’s important to hold healthy limits and boundaries in check. If you respond respectfully, yet assertively, and don’t give in to the manipulation, over time, they will generally see you as someone their tactics don’t work on and will move on,”
7. Tell someone you trust. It can be emotionally draining and hurtful in dealing with someone who is manipulative. Talking with a close friend or family member about what you’re experiencing can be healing. Close friends or  family can often give you great feedback and advice, and it’s helpful to have a listening ear when dealing with someone who manipulates...

Remember that boundaries are not meant to control people, but to ensure that you’re still able to remain in a relationship with them in a healthy way....

 Boundaries are not heartless, they’re actually really healthy...

IMPHAL DIARIES I..GEN NEXT... CUSP OF CHANGES IN HUMAN EVOLUTION

The rise of the two factors, smartphones and social media, is a watershed event in human evolution...

Keeping human evolution till 2000 

And from 2000 ....till now.... 

the process of change in generation is by leaps n bound..

Earlier generational changes were based on development in field of technological innovation ...n accordingly segregation was done but this i gen has transformed everything...

Earlier history was written by historians invariably keeping in view ppl who were rulers...n books were written...which were kept the n libraries

Now every human being is documenting its own history by use of social media apps...whether Facebook ... Instagram... .tinder..etc

No more life is dependent on other human being but on apps running on AI.... 

Teens today are shaped by smartphones, and social media... this generationis called as iGen.

The people, born after...2010 are growing up with smartphones, and can not remember the time before advent of internet..

The impact of these devices brought a radical change in the lives of all of us .. From social interaction to  mental health...people today are living their lives on their smartphones. The deleterious effect of ‘screen time’ has not been fully appreciated by many.

iGen’s life on smartphones have made them more comfortable in their bedrooms. They typically choose to be at home rather than in a car, or at a party, which means they are physically safer than their predecessors. They are less likely to get into car accidents, or get a taste for alcohol, as well as they are less susceptible to getting diseases from others...

iGen seems less likely to date. People today merely even talk. The initial stage of courtship, which Gen Xers called “liking”, teens now call as “talking” — the generation’s choice as texting has been their preferred mode for actual conversation...

Staying in their bedrooms also means that teens today don’t need to get their own money that they need to hang out with other kids....

In fact, members of the iGen have more leisure time than their predecessors. These teens don’t work, they spend less time on homework than Gen X teens, and they seldom go out with friends. What they do with all their time is use their smartphone, stay in their rooms, alone and often distressed.

The greatest irony of today’s generation is that though most of the time the teens are at home together with their parents, it doesn’t mean that they are close to their mothers and fathers. Teens today rarely converse with their parents so they can focus on their smartphones.  

One of my psychologist friend in Delhi told me that ...kids  spend much of their time keeping up with friends, but nearly all of it was over text or Snapchat. 

The hang out spots of teens like the football ground...tea has been replaced by virtual places or gaming zones where today’s kids go....

Teens today, though they do not go out frequently, when they do, they document it on social media platforms like Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook. The other kids who are not invited are clearly aware of it. 

Social media also add a psychic tax on social media posting as well. They get anxious about other people’s comments and likes. 

But I found this true for people like us  also....people who r older also have glued on this smartphone life

So is it a transitional phase or cusp of major change in human evolution....

I have no clue but whatever it is I feel good that I'm able to see this transition...

IMPHAL DIARY MARRIAGE BOX

‍‍‍Marriage Box‍

As we all know marriage at start is an empty box.. N love is in people not in marriage... Romance is infused in marriage

Now seeing things around me I feel the very reason of cheating.. Divorce.. Etc.. is predominantly is this concept 

It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in our private life -- one has  to ask their permission to get seperated..

. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affairs.

But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural.  men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership.

No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.

What kind of world have we created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. 

The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.

In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. 

Why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailor and the imprisoned.

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there."  because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.

The woman is dependent on man because he used to earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, man cannot reduce her to a thing. 

Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other in form of affairs..DIVORCE etc for any reason love is not there

 because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.

If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. 

I know there r things if not made legal men will misuse this freedom but now or in near future woman will become independent.. N then we may have to rethink on this concept of marriage based on legal contract....

Sometimes it's just fun to understand  happening in our life which are too complicated in just two words or a phrase....

I have tried to compile some of them which seems relevant to me and which can be beneficial to our lives.....

 Murphy’s Law

It states that “what can go wrong will go wrong”. 

We all have probably experienced moments of misery countless times. The day you leave your house without an umbrella, it starts to rain heavily.  You go to the bathroom, and your phone starts ringing from the other room. 

 You may think that the whole world in some eerie ways is conspiring to make mockery of you, demean you, and defeat you.

The more you fear something, the more it will happen. Allowing fear to get the best part of you is just another way of making up excuses and stopping yourself from doing what you ought to do in  the simplest form.

Ostrich Syndrome 

Don’t make excuses. Not making excuses is the first step to correcting a mistake and conquering fear. No interest, no use doing it, I don’t get it...It is a fatal weakness of a person to always look for objective factors to blame for everything.

Here is a little story

Someone asked a farmer, "Have you planted wheat?"

The farmer answered, "Not yet, I'm afraid it's going to rain."

The man then asked, "So have you planted cotton yet?"

Farmer said: "No, I'm worried that there will be worms eating the cotton."

The man asked again, "And what exactly did you plant?"

Farmer answered: "I didn’t grow anything. That’s the safest way to go."

 

Kidlin’s Law

If you can write a problem down clearly, then the matter is half solved.

1) Define the problem: The first step is to write down the problem clearly and concisely. 

2) Analyse the problem: The next step is to break down the problem into smaller and simpler parts.

3) Generate solutions: The third step is brainstorming possible solutions for each part of the problem. 

4) Evaluate solutions: The fourth step is to evaluate your answers and choose the best one for each part of the problem.

5) Implement solutions: The final step is to implement your chosen answers and monitor their results..

Gilbert’s Laws

One should not just follow the defined approach but should think outside of the box and possible solutions to the problem, and this is what the law states no one will tell you what to do and how to do it perfectly but you must learn to do that.

The biggest problems at work is that no one tells you what to do. The "Rule of Apple” also applies at work. What you do first is more important than how many things you do. If there are good and bad apples in a pile, which one do you eat first? The answer is: you eat the good apples first and throw the bad away because if you eat the bad apples first, the good apples will go bad slowly, and you’ll never have the sweet good apple.

 Walson’s Law

If you put information and intelligence first at all times then the money keeps coming in.

Many people do things better than you, not because they are more capable than you, but because they have more information than you. In our efforts to improve our professional skills, we often lose sight of another important thing: information.

Karma law

Who you are today is as a result of your previous action; everything in your life, including your past, present and future are connected.

Falkland’s Law

If you don’t have to make a decision then don’t make a decision.

Golden Rule

Don’t do to others what you do not want them to do to your.

Acton's Dictum

 Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Brandolini’s Law

The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.

Cantillon Effect

The flow path of new money matters — those closest to the source and entry point of the new money benefit first and most handsomely.

Cheops Law

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Cunningham’s Laws

The best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it’s to post the wrong answer.

Littlewood’s  Law

In the course of any normal person’s life, miracles happen at a rate of roughly one per months.

Occam’s  Razor

When two or more explanations are offered for a phenomenon, the simplest full explanation is preferable.

Orgel’s Rule

Evolution is cleverer than you are.

Pareto Principle

For many phenomena 80% of consequences stem from 20% of the causes.

Parkinson’s Law

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

Corollary: Expenditure rises to meet income.

Parkinson’s  Law of Triviality

The time spent on any agenda item will be in inverse proportion to the sum of money involved.

Peter Principle

In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.

Streisand Effect

Any attempt to hide, remove, or censor a piece of information has the unintended consequence of publicizing the information more widely.

Imphal Diaries: Excuse-moi, tu as l'heure ? le flirt!!

Excuse me, do you have the time? or interest

One generally thinks that indulging in some harmless flirting could only get one, the attention of that other person, think again......

Flirting does more than just this, it is also a powerful tool which can help people feel good about themselves and moreover, generates lot of positive energy....

Nowadays social media is new medium of flirting.....

People flirt by messaging  for many reasons: fun, relaxation, escape, connection, affection. A flirty text conversation should aim to be warm, funny, and a little thrilling. Asking creative questions, referencing inside jokes or memories, cracking a few jokes, and sending a selfie can help fuel the banter. Reaching out on social media, such as through a message or reaction on Instagram, Facebook  can also lay the foundation for an exchange...

The process allows a person to signal interest in small increments, and enables both parties to gauge the interest level of the other.It is driven by emotions and instinct rather than by logical thought. Yet profound information is transmitted in flirting...

The hallmarks of flirting are surprisingly universal. Women often smile, arch their eyebrows and widen their eyes, tuck their chin down and turn slightly to the side, toss their hair, put their hands near their mouth, and laugh. Men, for their part, often arch their back, stretch their chest, and laugh as well. 

It helps to....

Makes one feel good:  It can make one feel good and also, reduce stress levels. And God knows how much we need those instant stress-busters in today’s fast-paced and ultra-competitive world. 

Helps build confidence and self-esteem: Nothing works better when you’re trying to make a good impression on someone than the aura of self-confidence. People who are sure of themselves somehow just manage to say and do the right things at the right time, and we all know the ‘charming’ benefits of this. Also, being in a relationship for a long time can sometimes make one partner take the other for granted, thus lowering the self-esteem of the other person. A little harmless flirting can go a long way to make you feel attractive and confident about yourself again. 

Makes you feel Charming: Flirting with a person of the opposite gender and getting a favourable response in return can indeed up your hotness quotient by at least a couple of notches. It is a known fact that flirting helps build positive energy. ...

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 जिंदगी उन्हीं की रंगीन है।😁