Cost Benefit Analysis: A way to Understand .......Relationships

Recently one of a known young girl who is smart, witty, elegant, good looking, earning well having a long term relationship with a man who was unemployed and average person...She told that boy had broken up with her...I was surprised...how is it possible...but when I learnt the dynamics of her relationship ..I understood that cost benefit dynamics has not been working in terms of emotional gratification for the boy....

We all  have seen and been into so many relationships wherein we always try to understand from different perspectives how it's dynamics work ...

Looking from my perspective as a student of psychology I feel  that one of the best way to understand it is in terms of Cost Benefit Analysis....in terms of Equity

As i understand our  behaviour always works on principle  to maximize benefits and minimize costs.

Relationship are not tangible like other things in world as liking, desires, interest, hate, anger, enthusiasm, love etc. can't be quantified therefore their cost or benefit...is based entirely on an individual's past experience,  her/his current situation/ requirement and other person's past experience....

Therefore this cost benefit analysis is an ongoing process working subconsciously in mind analyzing value of relationship cost...i/r/o time, money etc...and seeks/expects benefit  in terms of equitable involvement ..time...etc which is cornerstone for relationship's evolution in future or termination

We all are constantly weighing the potential benefits and risks of relationships. When the risks outweigh the rewards or vice versa we carry on or terminate relationship.

Most relationships are made up of a certain amount of give-and-take, but this does not mean that they are always equal. It is the valuing of the ​benefits and costs of each relationship that determine whether or not we choose to continue a social association.

Aspects of Human relationships 

Costs vs. Benefits

 We essentially take the benefits of a relationship and subtract the costs in order to determine how much it is worth.

• Costs involve things that you see as negatives, such as having to put money, time, and effort into a relationship. For example, if you have a friend who always borrows money from you, this might be seen as a high cost.
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•  Benefits ...are things that you get out of the relationship, such as fun,  companionship & intimacy. Your friend might be a bit odd, but bring a lot of fun and excitement to your life. As you are determining the value of the friendship, you might decide that the benefits outweigh the potential costs.
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Positive relationships are those in which the benefits outweigh the costs.












 Negative relationships occur when the costs are greater than the benefits.

Expectations and Comparison Levels

Cost-benefit analysis plays a major role in this process, but so do expectations....

As people weigh benefits against the costs, they do so by establishing a comparison level that is often influenced by past experiences.




For example, if your previous romantic partner showered you with displays of affection, your comparison level for your next relationship is going to be quite high when it comes to affection. 


If your next romantic partner tends to be more reserved and less emotional, that person might not measure up to your expectations.

If you have always had poor friendships, your comparison levels at the start of a relationship will be lower than a person who has always had caring friends....

The idea that relationships are based on an exchange can impact how we relate with others.





The Honeymoon Phase








The length of a friendship or romance can play a role in the social exchange process. During the early weeks or months of a relationship, often referred to as the "honeymoon phase," people are more likely to ignore the social exchange balance.

Things that would normally be viewed as high cost are dismissed, ignored, or minimized, while potential benefits are often exaggerated. When this honeymoon period finally comes to an end, there will often be a gradual evaluation of the exchange balance.

At this point, downsides become more apparent and benefits start to be seen more realistically. This recalibration of the exchange balance might also lead to the termination of the relationship if the balance is tipped too far toward the negative side...

Evaluating the Alternatives

Another aspect of the social exchange process involves looking at possible alternatives. After analyzing the costs and benefits and contrasting these against your comparison levels, you might start to look at other options.

The relationship might not measure up to your comparison levels, but as you survey the potential alternatives, you might determine it is still better than anything else available. As a result, you might reassess the relationship in terms of what may now be a somewhat lower comparison..

Analysis

So whatever way we see relationship somewhere this ...concept of equity or cost benefit analysis is a continuous process in our mind.... whether we agree or not

I AM NOT PERFECT BUT I'M PERFECTLY ME...SELF LOVE OR NARCISSIM...

I realised very early in my life...that there is no ideal in my life..N I believed I'm the best

Now loking back n thinking about I realise I was right

Yes I'm in love with myself ...as whatever good or bad I had only me to blame..

 I could make poor choices out of fear, guilt, and shame or empowered choices that were aligned with who I was and what felt authentic to me. So, early in my life , I stopped trying to please people, accommodating people unworthy of my attention, and doing things that didn’t bring me pleasure or satisfaction.

When you start loving yourself more, you too will realize your wants and needs are important, and you have the choice to honor them.

You will set stronger boundaries around friends..

As a result of honoring your feelings,

You will stop seeking approval.

This is the most liberating thing. As I loved and respected myself more, I stopped worrying about how much others liked or approved of me. I stopped doing things to get Validation. This created space for me to be more authentic, less defensive, and more my genuine self.

When you have your own approval and acceptance, you start caring less about other people’s opinion of you and living a life that’s aligned with your own values.

You will start to make more courageous and conscious decisions.

Self-love will give you the courage to get rid of things that don’t serve you and make space for things that will help you grow. When you truly value yourself, you make decisions that honor you rather than harm you.

You will start to enjoy being with yourself.

I stopped filling my days with meetings, parties, and outings, as I did in the past just so I wouldn’t feel alone.  I stopped meeting friends just to have some company.

Instead, I started to do more things I loved doing: 

Gym 

yoga

writing blogs  

watching movies 

Trekking

finding real friends

 When I reconnected with myself deeply, spending time in my own company didn’t feel scary anymore. I stopped being afraid of being alone.

You too will find that when you become more loving toward yourself, you will start being more comfortable being in your own lovely company.

You will develop a stronger relationship with yourself.

As I spent more time with myself I deepened the connection I had with myself. I started to feel more secure as a person as I tapped into my true inner being. I started to believe in myself more. I started to trust myself more.

When you deepen your connection with yourself through self-love, you’ll connect on a deeper level with others too. As your relationship with yourself improves, your others get stronger as well.

You will stop seeking happiness in relationships.

Loving myself helped me realize that I didn’t need anyone to be happy. All the love I needed to be happy was within me already. I took more responsibility for my personal happiness and stopped giving my power away to anyone.

I understood that happiness was constantly present in my life. It wasn’t somewhere in the future. I just needed to change my focus and learn to appreciate what I had rather than dwelling on what I didn’t have.

When you start to love yourself more and feel happier, you too will likely feel less desperate for a romantic relationship.  You just need to be happy and  the right person will show up in time.

So how do you start loving yourself more? Start choosing yourself daily and doing what feels right for you.

Introduce a daily practice of checking in with yourself every time you need to make a decision or a choice.

First you ask yourself: What would feel loving in this situation?

Once you have the answer, ask yourself these thee powerful questions:

Does it feel good/right for me?

Will it serve me?

Will it make me feel energized?

Let me just say this: Self-love will transform your life—so start practicing!