Why does life work exactly opposite to how it’s supposed to

Have you ever paused mid-decision and thought, “Why does life work exactly opposite to how it’s supposed to?”

You assume more choices will give you freedom—yet the moment options multiply, your mind freezes.
You chase happiness with discipline and planning—only to feel it slipping further away.
You tolerate a mildly unpleasant situation because it’s “not that bad,” unaware that this quiet compromise is slowly draining your energy, confidence, and joy.

This isn’t bad luck or poor judgment.
It’s something far more interesting.

Life is full of paradoxes—patterns where logic flips, expectations betray us, and the obvious path leads somewhere unexpected. These aren’t abstract philosophical riddles. They show up every day: in career decisions, family conversations, workplaces, relationships, and even the smallest choices that seem too trivial to matter.

Once you begin to notice them, something shifts.
Life stops feeling chaotic or unfair. Instead of fighting reality, you start working with it. Confusion gives way to clarity. Frustration softens into understanding.

The Paradox of Choice

Logic says more options is more freedom while psychology says more options is more anxiety n decision paralysis. Constraints created creativity.

We are taught that more options mean more freedom. In reality, too many choices often create anxiety, delay decisions, and reduce satisfaction. The mind becomes overloaded—not liberated.

You open an online shopping app to buy a phone. Suddenly you’re drowning in models, features, reviews, discounts, and “better alternatives.” Two hours later, you’re exhausted. Even after purchasing one, a quiet doubt lingers: Did I choose the best one?

The same thing happens when students face career decisions today—engineering, medicine, commerce, humanities, design, startups, government exams, foreign universities. Instead of feeling empowered, many feel paralysed.

Freedom doesn’t come from unlimited options—it comes from intentional limits. Reduce choices, decide deliberately, and commit fully. Peace follows decisiveness.

The Stockdale Paradox

Admiral James Stockdale was a U.S. Navy officer who was captured during the Vietnam War in 1965 and spent nearly seven and a half years as a prisoner of war under extremely harsh conditions. He noticed that prisoners who relied only on blind optimism—believing they would be released by a certain date—often lost hope and broke down when that did not happen, while those who gave up completely also did not survive. Stockdale endured by doing two things at the same time: he accepted the painful reality of his situation each day, but never lost faith that he would eventually come home. This way of thinking, later called the Stockdale Paradox, became a powerful lesson that real resilience comes from facing the truth honestly while still believing in a better outcome.

Endurance requires holding two opposing truths at once: confronting reality without denial, while maintaining faith that you will prevail. Lose either, and you lose balance.

A student preparing for competitive exams knows the odds are brutal. Blind optimism leads to complacency. Hopeless realism leads to quitting. The strongest candidates accept the difficulty, acknowledge their weaknesses, and still show up daily—steady, disciplined, unromantic.

Hope grounded in realism is far stronger than blind positivity. Facing the truth doesn’t weaken resolve—it strengthens it.

The Icarus Paradox

Icarus was a figure in Greek mythology who fashioned some wings out of feathers and beeswax to escape an island. So enamored of his newfound ability to fly, Icarus ignored warnings not to fly too close to the sun. Upon getting close to the sun, the beeswax melted, his wings fell off, and he plummeted to his death. Qualities that bring success—hard work, reliability, ambition—can become destructive when taken too far.

At work, you become the “go-to” person. You never say no. You handle extra responsibilities effortlessly—until one day you don’t. Burnout creeps in quietly. Health suffers. Performance dips. Not because you lacked ability, but because you never slowed down.

Strength without boundaries becomes self-sabotage. Sustainability beats intensity every time.

Solomon’s Paradox

We are wise when advising others—and remarkably blind when judging ourselves. Emotional involvement clouds clarity.

You calmly guide a friend through a relationship or family issue with patience and logic. Yet when faced with the same situation yourself, emotions hijack reason, and you react in ways you’d never recommend.

Borrow distance. Treat your own problem as if it belongs to someone you care about. Wisdom often returns instantly.

The Region-Beta Paradox

We often drift into the soft trap of “good enough.” When life feels great, it usually stays that way. When it feels terrible, we are jolted into action. But when it sits in that hazy middle—neither painful nor inspiring—we quietly settle. We tell ourselves it’s fine. We postpone change. We tolerate. And that comfortable complacency becomes the real danger. Ironically, when things get truly bad, we finally gather the courage to act, to fix, to leave, to rebuild. Sometimes, hitting a low point becomes the very push we needed.

A slight knee pain lingers for years because it’s bearable; a serious injury gets treated immediately. An average relationship drags on, but a deeply unhappy one forces a difficult yet transformative decision. A little tipsy might lead to reckless choices, while being completely wasted may prompt others to step in and protect us. The lesson is subtle but powerful: discomfort that is mild keeps us stuck, while discomfort that is sharp compels change. 

This is the region-beta paradox—sometimes being worse off is exactly what frees us to become better.

Small, ongoing dissatisfaction is dangerous precisely because it feels manageable. Address it early.

The Abilene Paradox

Have you ever sat in a meeting where a decision was made, everyone nodded in agreement, and yet something felt off? The Abilene paradox captures this very scenario—when a group collectively chooses a direction that most individuals privately doubt is the right one.

It may seem puzzling that people would support an outcome they don’t genuinely believe in. However, the root cause is often simple: a reluctance to question the prevailing view or disrupt harmony.

 Fear of standing out, challenging assumptions, or unsettling the group can quietly steer decisions off course. Recognising and addressing the Abilene paradox is crucial to prevent avoidable mistakes and ensure that group choices truly reflect collective conviction.

 We all often agree to decisions that no one actually wants—because everyone assumes others want it.Silence creates bad decisions. Honest expression saves time, energy, and regret.

The Persuasion Paradox

You decide to buy a car. You feel drawn to one model the moment you see it—the design, the brand image, the way it makes you feel. That’s the elephant moving. Later, you justify the purchase by listing fuel efficiency, resale value, and safety ratings. That’s the rider explaining. The rider sounds logical and convincing—but it followed the elephant’s lead.

We like to think we form opinions by carefully examining facts and following logic wherever it leads. But science—and experience—suggest something far less flattering. Much of our thinking begins with instinct, emotion, and identity. Reasoning often comes afterward, not to discover truth, but to defend what we already feel is right. It is as if our emotional mind makes the decision, and our logical mind writes the press release explaining why it was inevitable.

So what actually persuades? Stories that illuminate meaning, not just events. Framing that presents the same facts in a way that aligns with the listener’s values. Timing that allows ideas to settle instead of forcing immediate acceptance. And above all, trust—built through tone, authenticity, and visible understanding of the audience’s concerns.

 Persuasion succeeds not when we bombard people with logic, but when we speak to both the heart and the mind, allowing reason to ride alongside emotion rather than against it.

In Closing

Life isn’t broken.
It’s simply counterintuitive.

These paradoxes are not traps—they’re signposts. When you recognise them, life becomes less confusing and far more navigable. Decisions feel lighter. Relationships deepen. Resilience grows.

So the next time life seems stubbornly backwards, pause.
Notice the pattern.
Smile quietly and think, “Ah—there it is again.”

That moment of awareness is where clarity begins.
And from there, things start to make sense.

The Psychology of Everyday Foolishness: How Smart People Make Dumb Decisions (Without Realising It)

Why We All Think Irrationally (And Don’t Even Notice)

If you’ve ever argued with a teenager, watched a political debate, waited in an aircraft aisle, stood in a metro queue, or been part of a family WhatsApp group…
Congratulations — you’ve already earned an honorary degree in human irrationality.

As a psychologist, I can assure you:
Humans don’t think logically by default. We think emotionally first, and justify it later.
And nowhere is this more visible than in the  logical fallacies we commit daily.

Let me walk you through them — using some  real incidents so relatable that the next time someone uses one, you’ll smile quietly, sip your chai, and think, “Aha, fallacy number five.”

Straw Man: When We Fight the Wrong Enemy

Psychology behind it:

We exaggerate the other person’s point so that defeating it feels easier and emotionally satisfying.

Real incident you lived through:

During COVID, health experts said:
“Wear a mask in crowded spaces.”

Many people heard:
“So you want us to wear masks forever? Even while sleeping? Even while bathing?”

No, they didn’t.
But our brain loves drama — it turns a seatbelt reminder into a hostage situation.

Why this matters:

When we exaggerate, we stop listening.
Most arguments fail not because people disagree —
but because they’re fighting different battles.

False Dilemma: When We Believe Life Has Only Two Buttons

Psychology behind it:

Under stress, the human mind creates “all or nothing” scenarios.
Nuance feels uncomfortable.

The airport example you’ve definitely experienced:

A plane lands.
It is still moving.

Half the cabin leaps up instantly, blocking the aisle.
They behave like the options are:

• Stand right now, or
• Stay on the aircraft forever

In reality, no airline has ever announced:
“Passengers who did not stand in 0.2 seconds will be left behind.”

Why this matters:

False dilemmas create unnecessary panic — in relationships, in parenting, in workplaces, everywhere.

Appeal to Authority: When We Believe Someone Just Because They’re Famous

Psychology behind it:

We confuse confidence with competence.

Real global incident:

Celebrities around the world promoted miracle diets, immunity boosters, jade eggs, anti-virus bracelets, and detox cures.

Millions believed them —
not because the cures made medical sense,
but because the person saying it had a blue tick.

Why this matters:

Expertise is not contagious.
Fame doesn’t transfer knowledge.

Bandwagon Fallacy: When We Follow the Crowd Because ‘Ishq Hai’

Psychology behind it:

Humans are wired for herd behaviour.
If 40 people run in one direction, our brain whispers,
“They must know something.”

Real incident:

The GameStop stock frenzy in 2021.
Millions invested in a company they never heard of because:
“Everyone else is buying!”

Closer home:
At Rajiv Chowk, people join the longest queue assuming it’s correct —
while the shorter queue stands there, quietly mocking humanity.

Why this matters:

Crowds aren’t always wise.
Sometimes they’re just crowded.

Sunk Cost Fallacy: When We Keep Investing in Something That’s Failing

Psychology behind it:

We hate admitting loss.
So we keep investing, hoping to “recover” what’s gone.

Real-world examples (you’ll recognise all of them):

Kingfisher Airlines investors

Even when financial collapse was obvious, many kept pouring in money because:
“We’ve already invested so much.”

Blockbuster refusing to adopt streaming

They held on to their business model…
until Netflix handed them their obituary.

Indian home renovations

One wall repaint becomes:
“Since we've started… let’s also break the kitchen, change the tiles, fix the wiring…”
Budgets cry.
Logic dies.

Gym memberships

People pay for one year, go for one month, skip for eleven, but won’t cancel because:
“Ab paisa diya hai — jaayenge.”
(They never go.)

Why this matters:

Sometimes the smartest decision is to stop — not to push through.

Red Herring: When We Change the Topic to Save Our Ego

Psychology behind it:

When faced with something uncomfortable, the mind distracts — usually with something emotional.

Real incident seen on every Indian road:

Traffic police: “Sir, helmet?”
Rider: “Why don’t you catch VIP cars first!”

Sir, this isn’t about VIPs.
It’s about your skull.

Why this matters:

Avoiding the topic never solves the problem.
But your brain gets temporary ego relief — and that’s the trap.

Tu Quoque: When ‘You Also’ Becomes a Shield

Psychology behind it:

We deflect blame by pointing out the critic’s flaws.
It protects our ego but kills the conversation.

Real example from EVERY household:

Parent: “Reduce screen time.”
Teen: “You never put your phone down.”

Neither reduces screen time.
Everyone increases volume.

Why this matters:

This fallacy destroys genuine feedback.
Nobody grows — everyone just retaliates.

Ad Hominem: When We Attack the Person, Not the Idea

Psychology behind it:

When we cannot defeat the argument, we attack the human being saying it.

Real example seen worldwide (Brexit, U.S. elections, Indian debates):

Instead of discussing policy, opponents say:
“You’re ignorant.”
“You’re anti-national.”
“You don’t understand anything.”

The issue disappears.
The insult takes center stage.

Why this matters:

Personal attacks feel powerful.
They also guarantee that the argument goes nowhere.

 Hasty Generalization: When One Incident Becomes a Universal Rule

Psychology behind it:

The brain loves shortcuts — one experience becomes “the truth.”

Real global example:

After Samsung Note 7 exploded, people said:
“All Samsung phones explode.”

Similarly:
One rude Uber driver →
“Uber drivers are all terrible.”
One late Swiggy delivery →
“Swiggy is always late.”

Why this matters:

Generalizations feel convenient but create massive blind spots.

 Fallacy Fallacy: When We Reject a Truth Because Someone Explained It Badly

Psychology behind it:

We assume good ideas must come with good arguments.
But reality doesn’t work that way.

Real example we see DAILY on WhatsApp:

Someone shares a badly-written post about pollution.
Another person debunks the grammar and logic.
Group concludes:
“So pollution is fake?”

No.
Bad argument ≠ nonexistent problem.

Why this matters:

Truth stands independent of how well someone explains it.

A Final Word From Your Psychologist

Most conflicts, confusions, and “I can’t believe humans think like this” moments are not about intelligence —
they’re about cognitive shortcuts.

Our brains are designed for survival, not accuracy.
Fallacies are like autopilot modes: quick, emotional, effortless.

But once you start spotting them, something beautiful happens:

• You stop reacting and start observing.
• You stop getting dragged into pointless arguments.
• You understand people’s behaviour instead of judging it.
• And honestly…
  you start finding daily life incredibly entertaining.

Human irrationality is not a flaw —
it’s a fascinating psychological pattern.

And now that you see it clearly,
you’re not just living life…
you’re decoding it

Dunning–Kruger Effect in India: Half Knowledge, Full Attitude

The Dunning–Kruger Effect is that psychology concept which says:
Jitna kam pata ho, utna zyada lagta hai ki sab pata hai.
Scientists call it cognitive bias, low self-awareness, metacognition gap… but real clarity milti hai sirf Indian streets par. Because yahan rule simple hai: confidence pehle, knowledge baad mein… kabhi kabhi toh aata hi nahi.

Our daily life is basically a live laboratory where half information + full attitude = guaranteed comedy.

Agar meri life ka theme song hota, it would be:
Confidence high, knowledge… dekh lenge.

Aur yahi hai Dunning–Kruger ka asli funda.

 

Psychology Lite: The Real Story

Psychology ke hisaab se, jab kisi ko kam pata hota hai, tab unhe lagta hai ki woh expert hain.
Isko kehate hain metacognition gap — insaan ko yeh tak nahi pata hota ki unhe kuch pata nahi.

 Uber Driver: GPS Ka Guruji

The Dunning–Kruger effect usually begins right in the cab.

Driver confidently: Sir, location pata hai, you relax.
Five minutes later:
– wrong turn
– illegal U-turn
– ek aisi gali jahan street dogs bhi reconsider karte hain

When I say Google right bol raha tha, he replies:
Google ka old data hota hai. Main yahan ka asli aadmi hoon.

Asli aadmi ho ya Harry Potter, destination toh galat hi nikalta hai.

Sabji-wala: Street-Smart Sales Psychologist

You want to see real confidence? Meet my sabji-wala.

I go for tomatoes.
He goes into full MasterChef mode.

Sir tamatar le rahe ho toh pyaz bhi le lo.
Aloo fresh hai.
Lauki bhi perfect hai, ghar wale khush ho jayenge.

My plan: 1 item.
My bag: 4 items.
Plus one free shimla mirch for “goodwill.”

Psychology calls it persuasion.
India calls it: ek lene jao, tokri bhar ke aa jao.

Colony Aunties: RAW Agent Without ID Card

Colony ka CCTV fail ho jaaye,
par aunties ka intel network never fails.

Light late jali? Jhagra hua.
Baccha hasa? Crush confirm.
Nayi car? Paisa aa gaya.
Dog bhooka? Negative vibes.

Inka confidence dekhkar real agencies bhi pressure feel kar lein.

Astrology Experts: Planetary Consultants

Aapka actual issue matter nahi karta.
Planet ka mood is the national priority.

Tired? Shani heavy hai.
Phone slow? Chandrama weak.
Single ho? Venus blocked.

Planets probably whispering:
Sab blame hum par hi daal do.

Gym Bros: Motivation 100%, Stamina 1%

My friend joins gym and in 4 days becomes fitness guru.

Bro carbs mat kha.
Bro gluten avoid kar.
Bro protein life hai.

Par treadmill dekhte hi uski saans hi leak ho jaati hai.

Psychology calls it illusory superiority.
India: gym ke pehle 10 din ka nasha.

Parents vs Smartphones: The Legendary Battle

Mummy WhatsApp kholna chahti hain,
Calendar open ho jaata hai.

Papa volume kam karte hue
teen screenshots le lete hain.

Phone hang?
Final judgement:
Isme virus aa gaya.

Skill low, confidence high — classic Dunning–Kruger.

Husband–Wife: The Sweetest Comedy Partnership

Shaadi ka most lovable Dunning–Kruger.

Husband thinks screwdriver mil jaaye toh duniya ki har problem fixable hai.

Fan noise? I will fix it.
Tap leak? Easy work.

Fix ke baad fan DJ ban jaata hai,
tap teen jagah se leak.
But husband ka confidence evergreen.

Wife, meanwhile, has emotional Wi-Fi.
Husband says fine.
Wife says nahi, tum upset ho.

Husband confused.
Wife certain.

Psychology: mind-reading fallacy.
India: normal shaadi.

Politics: The National Dunning–Kruger Mahotsav

This is the grand finale.

Sabse kam padhe likhe log,
sabse zyada expert mode mein.

Ek forwarded message padhkar log
economy, defence, foreign policy — sab redesign kar dete hain.

Social media gives everyone a personal parliament.
GDP se lekar geopolitics tak sab par expert-level confidence,
chahe newspaper kab padha tha yaad bhi na ho.

Facts rubber,
logic elastic,
opinions bullet-train.

Nationwide Dunning–Kruger fest.
Entry free, exit impossible.

🧠 Why We All Do This (Thoda Psychology, Thoda Hum Nature)

We all fall into this trap because saying I don’t know feels like an attack on our ego.
Nobody wants to look clueless, so the brain quietly switches on a confidence booster.

Psychology explains it like this:
– When we know very little, confidence skyrockets.
– Jab thoda sa seekh lete hain, confidence suddenly drop karta hai.
– Real experience aane par confidence stable and grounded ho jaata hai.

But real life mein hum pehli stage mein hi party kar lete hain.
One YouTube video and we feel like experts.
Two reels and we think we understand geopolitics.
Three WhatsApp forwards and we’re ready to fix the economy.

It’s ego, optimism, social pressure, and thoda sa overconfidence.
And honestly, this mix turns all of us into heroes inside our own heads.

🌈 And That’s The Fun of Indian Life

Thoda overconfidence,
thoda innocence,
thoda psychology,
aur pura desi humour…

Yehi mix har roz ek naya comedy episode bana deta hai.

Sach bolo —
hum sab mein thoda Dunning–Kruger hota hi hai.

Aur shayad isi se
life colourful, funny,
aur full-on entertainment lagti hai

Delhi Diaries from Universe 25: Crowded, Cranky, and Kinda Cute

The Harsh Reality of Life: Are We All Mice in Delhi’s Universe 25?

Every day I step into Delhi, I feel like I’ve accidentally walked into a live-action social experiment—one that the universe forgot to end. The crowds, the chaos, the honking, the “Sorry, no change” moments—it’s all too familiar.

Turns out, someone did run this experiment. In the 1960s, ethologist John B. Calhoun built a mouse utopia called Universe 25: unlimited food, water, and nesting space—no cats, no rent, no traffic. In other words, paradise.

And what happened?
They destroyed themselves.

So naturally, I looked around Delhi and thought, “Hmm… déjà vu?”

 Universe 25 v2.0: Delhi Edition

Calhoun’s mice started as eight cute roommates. Within months, they turned into 2,000 stressed tenants in a 1-BHK. At first, all was well. Then came the chaos—fights, isolation, grooming addiction.

If this doesn’t sound like your average Delhi life—then you’re not commuting from Noida/Gurgaon/Faridabad 

The males fought for space. The females stopped nurturing their young. Some mice just sat in corners, cleaning themselves obsessively—Calhoun called them the beautiful ones.
Today, we call them influencers.

 The Behavioral Sink: Delhi Metro in a Nutshell

In the experiment, even when free space was available, mice clumped together. Sounds like every metro platform at Rajiv Chowk at 6 p.m.

Humans do it too. We squeeze into overcrowded compartments because “the next train might be worse.” One hand holds the phone, the other your dignity. Someone’s backpack is in your ribcage, and the guy next to you is watching motivational reels titled “How to Stay Calm in Chaos.”

Welcome to the behavioral sink, Delhi-style—overconnected, overstimulated, and emotionally undernourished.

 Rudeness: The New Delhi Dialect

Calhoun’s mice got aggressive. We got sarcastic.
Road rage? Check. Queue-cutting? Check. “Bhaiya, ek plate golgappa, par jaldi dena”?—that’s our polite version of territorial dominance.

We yell, honk, side-eye, and tweet outrage by noon—then attend yoga classes for inner peace by 7 p.m. It’s not that we’ve become rude; we’re just emotionally overbooked.

Think about it: in a city where people spend three hours in traffic daily, patience isn’t a virtue—it’s an endangered species.

The Rise of the “Beautiful Ones”

In Universe 25, some mice stopped engaging entirely. They just preened themselves—flawless, detached, unbothered.

Sound familiar?
We’ve turned into selfie-ready versions of those mice—posting quotes about “self-love and boundaries” while ghosting half our contacts.

The more polished our online lives become, the messier the real ones get. We spend hours editing a caption but can’t find two minutes to call our parents. Our grooming habits have evolved—from fur-licking to filter-selecting.

The Digital Overcrowding Problem

Calhoun’s enclosure had physical walls. Ours have Wi-Fi.

Every scroll is a crowd. Every comment section is a brawl. Billions of us share one global feed, screaming for attention like the mice that huddled in a corner for warmth they didn’t need.

Social media is our new cage—overcrowded, hyperactive, and strangely comforting.

We keep refreshing, hoping to feel connected, and end up lonelier than ever.

At least the mice didn’t have notifications.

Abundance Without Purpose

The most haunting part of Calhoun’s study?
The mice stopped reproducing—not because they couldn’t, but because they didn’t want to.

They had everything, yet nothing to strive for. Sound like modern adulthood?

We’ve replaced meaning with convenience.
We don’t gather stories anymore; we collect screenshots. We don’t chase dreams; we chase weekend brunches. We’ve built a world where everything is available—except purpose.

And like the mice, we quietly stop creating, connecting, and caring.

Escaping Delhi’s Universe 25

Here’s the twist—unlike Calhoun’s mice, we have a choice.
We can redesign our enclosures.

Start small:

• Smile at the guard who checks your bag 400 times a day.
• Let someone merge in traffic without performing a honk symphony.
• Look up from your screen; the world won’t collapse (yet).
• Go outside without the need to post “feeling grateful” on Instagram.
  

Civility isn’t weakness—it’s rebellion. In a society drowning in noise, kindness is punk rock.

Final Reflection: Delhi Doesn’t Need a Lab—It Is One

Every evening, as the sun dips behind the smog-wrapped skyline, I imagine Calhoun peeking down from the heavens saying, “Yep, same results, just bigger enclosures.”

We’re the only species that can see the behavioral sink forming—and still hit “snooze.”

Maybe the real lesson of Universe 25 isn’t about overcrowding. It’s about purpose.
When life turns into survival of the rudest, the only way to evolve is to care again—loudly, awkwardly, inconveniently.

So next time you’re stuck in Delhi traffic, take a deep breath and think:
You’re not trapped. You’re participating in the longest-running human experiment.

And the only way to pass?
Don’t act like the mice. Act like the human you still remember being.

WITH WHOM DID YOU BUILD

“What you are building never matters as much as who you are building it with.” Tony Fadell

In his book Build, Tony Fadell provides insights through his personal anecdotes about the most impactful products and people of the 20^th century. Even after working with stalwarts of Silicon Valley such as Steve Jobs and Bill Campbell, Tony gives his own unorthodox advice to excel in leadership; he says one does not have to reinvent everything from scratch to grow or make something great. “One grows from pursuit only when we care about it, whether it’s work or relationship.”

Although the book is popular as an advice encyclopaedia, to me it appealed more as a personal memoir where the author explores the human aspects of entrepreneurships. When you work as a leader, as the head of an enterprise, what matters the most is these attributes of human relationships that involve continuous exchange of ideas, personalities, aspirations, priviledges and pure dreams. There are very intricate technicalities about how to germinate a small idea and then shape it into something that will be adopted as a product by all.

Reading this book reminded me once again of my days at Sainik School Imphal. As Tony says, once you start caring for an enterprise, it is difficult to look at it as a non- living thing. It is the people involved in the organisation that starts reminding you of why development needs to be done. During the Covid Pandemic, when I moved to Imphal with my family, first look at the vast perimeter of the school campus, surrounded by the lush green paddy fields, vast water body attracted our hearts.

The soothing image of the lush green grounds, welcoming hands and smiling faces of Officers made the stay increasingly worthwhile every day, even when the Pandemic had forced most of us to be under isolation. Our joy knew no bounds when coinciding with our arrival, we got the news of selection of 12 Cadets in the NDA from the previous batch. Our faith in the school and the latent talent in it got stronger once my husband met with the team of teaching and Support staff led by the then Senior Master Mr Romel, Quarter master Mr Puina, the then Mess Manager Mr Saratchandra, and PRO Mr Ashok.

Coming from the modern landscape of capital city of the country, the simplicity of this capital city located within a valley was very satisfying for me as a mother.  While I kept pestering him about how unmelodious the choir group was, how naughty the seniors were, and how one could make the boring menu which they called balanced and nutritious a little more inclusive for all cadets, as the Principal, Sainik School Imphal, my husband worried about the inequality of opportunities as compared to other Sainik schools: the lack of infrastructure inside the campus: with limited connectivity to outside world and technology, the streets without well-constructed roads, hard surface jogging path for the cadets, dilapidated cadets’ mess, open bathing & washing bays, and dormitories; most importantly, age-old residential quarters of the staff members. He could not find himself to demand excellence from the employees as he saw them as someone whose own personal lives were distorted due to the lack of technology, infrastructure and resources.

Sainik Schools, as we all know are residential public schools working under the aegis of Ministry of Defence, GoI and hence all the essential staff members are live inside the school campus with their families until their retirement. Sometimes employees spend nearly half of their lives living inside these staff quarters. And one look at the old dingy, quarters broke our hearts comparing the facilities we had enjoyed as Defence officers all over the country. The absence of cadets due to the pandemic, gave him the time to think, plan, and execute some minor repairs into these quarters. While he started to get into the technical formalities of these repairs; a paradigm change in the system came with the induction of girl cadets in all Sainik Schools.

Being the mother of a daughter, I was very happy with this news, while it was like a nightmare to my husband. The list of tasks to be done got longer and longer every day as it was not only the attitude but even basic infrastructure like the Girl Cadets Hostels, support staff recruitment, and additional arrangements in the classrooms, mess and grounds that had to be planned, initiated, and implemented. Grooming of the staff members towards gender sensitivity started. But much was required when it came to infrastructure.

A pleasant surprise was the response school administration got from the state administration, especially Shri Rajen the then Minister of Education, Shri Biswajit Singh Minister of Public Works Department and Shri Letpao Haokip, Minister of YAS and, of course Shri N Biren, the then Chief Minister, Govt of Manipur State. With their vision and positive attitude, Sainik School Imphal became the first Sainik school to get a fund sanctioned in the state budget and the building construction too started on the 50^th Foundation Day of the school: 07 October.

While I was busy looking after the emotional needs of the family members during the period of Isolation during the Covid Pandemic, again the state authorities came to our rescue when the CMO’s team led by Dr Poly conducted Free Vaccination Drives for all the employees and their families. With the schools reopening and the entry of girl cadets, my husband became busy in uniting the team to achieve academic excellence, within the state of resources that he had. And, as expected, one fine day the old infrastructure gave away when one of the hostels had a major short circuit due to over heating of old copper wires and turned into a major fire outbreak.

In front of everyone’s eyes, the wooden structure of the building caught fire, spread rapidly, and came down as ashes within a span of 04 hours. It was killing to watch Mr Basanta, the Librarian, our young, Braveheart get burns on his chest while saving the personal belongings of the cadets. With the media lingering around the campus wanting to know about the reasons for the fire, worried parents, shocked cadets, anxious staff members and concerned families; that day was an excruciatingly long day, and especially painful for me when I saw my husband with his team running helter-skelter inside the burnt hostel trying to save the belongings of the cadets without realising nails stuck inside their burnt shoes. That day again reminded me of the fact that organisations contain not just buildings but sentiments, blood, sweat and tears of humans working in it.

“Every obstacle yields to stern resolve.” Keeping this dictum in mind, working hours became longer for the next few months, until my husband found ways to rebuild the broken dreams. The complete support staff supported him in filing reports, getting additional documents, completing investigations, and coordinating with the government agencies. Just when things started to normalise, more hurdles came up with the water scarcity in the state and the sudden, unfortunate ethnic riots.

Now all the hope that was there for repairs of the hostel through the state government agencies, became bleak as the state machinery came to a halt due to the violence and destruction caused in different parts of the state. School reopening got delayed due to the unsafe neighbourhood and once again the teaching staff got busy with online classes for the new academic session, while the administrative staff worked out how to manage the maintenance and repair works with the non- functioning local market.

With Maira Paibis as the night vigilantes against the attacking tribes in the neighbouring villages, safety of the family members inside the school campus became the only concern for everyone. Many employees (including an IAF Officer) had to resign, retire, or leave the school campus due to the evolving ethnic dynamics of the state. It also affected the admission process of the school as parents of cadets from other states felt insecure about the situation prevailing in the state. Life and especially development work, maintenance, repairs, and even normal living got affected. Still, the team came up with bright ideas to keep the staff engaged and emotionally balanced: Singju breaks for the ladies, Potlucks, followed by jungle trails over the weekends for the families, camps for the NCC cadets, sports events became the norm and to some extent, the Happiness Quotient of the employees was enhanced.

With the infrastructure breaking down, the staff members engulfed in ethnic identities, state machinery coming to a halt; it was only the innocent smiling faces and inquisitive eyes of the cadets that kept our resolve to perform and achieve the best for them. My husband tried knocking the doors of all kinds of philanthropists, starting from the Alumni, PTA, sister agencies from Defense forces, NGOs to Government agencies. He succeeded in getting scholarships for the worthy cadets from affected areas through the Ex-cadets’ associations, Alumni, Parents, and agencies such as Assam Rifles.

Then came the most fruitful request from the representatives of the Ministry of DONER who had visited the school during the Governor’s visit and were touched by the hospitality and the budding talent of the cadets. The school administration was asked to submit proposals regarding the pressing needs of infrastructure which could be developed in the school. A lot of brainstorming sessions were conducted with the teaching staff, support staff, families, and cadets about what their pressing needs were. The reactions were similar: we needed a conducive educational environment driven by safe basic amenities such as robust perimeter wall, water storage tanks, and hygienic accommodation areas for all.

The proposals were immediately converted into crisp, impressive PowerPoint presentations and supporting documents by the administrative staff and my Warrior husband led team succeeded in convincing the Ministry officials about the urgency of these projects. We forgot about the whole thing once the Board exams commenced and we donned the role of parents for our daughter as well as all the other cadets of classes X and XII.  And then came the time to show gratitude for the selfless service of some of our retiring employees: Mr Ashok, the Art Master, Mr PD James, the Social Studies master, Mr Mahmuddin, a general employee, and so on.

Finally, it was time to pack our bags as Indian Air Force beckoned my husband to move on his next assignment. Life became busy with me living separated for the first time in my married life with my daughter and extended family without my husband. News from the Sainik school became rare as I immersed myself in my new life. Occasionally, when some old cadets or employees dropped an Instagram reel or memory of good old times, thoughts went back to unfinished work at the school.

And then came a pleasant surprise when I saw a recent tweet from the Ministry of DONER about development of allied infrastructure in Sainik School Imphal under NESIDS (OTRI) and my heart leaped with joy when I saw a small side note: Sanctioned amount: 21.814 crore. The only words that could come out of mouth were: Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah, Sainik school Imphal.

And once again, Tony Fadell’s words ring in my mind: “Your product’s story is not just about words, it is about its design, its features, images and videos, quotes from customers, conversations with support agents. It is the sum of what people see and feel about this thing that you have created.” It is the “Why” that drives the “What” and for “Whom”. And someone who leads a team just does not help people do their jobs, they help them shape their lives, their families.